Until Never
by LaNaniuska
Summary: It has been said that if it hurt too much to hold on, then it was time to let go. She just didn't expect it was going to be so hard.
1. Letting Go

**Until Never**

It was amazing how cold and distant someone could turn into when his love for the person that cared for him the most vanished out of thin air.

It was sad almost to a devastating point… to have this person who used to be your everything wake up with you and go through the day wishing you were somewhere else, seeing him politely evade your touches by making up excuses that sounded stupid to your ears and witnessing how he retreated into himself until he barely spoke to you anymore.

So yes, it was sad, especially when you could compare the now and then to corroborate that it was better before and that maybe, just maybe things were finally over.

Regina Mills has seen that gradually happen to her, the torturous process of seeing the 'love of her life' falling out of love with her.

Not that she should be surprised, after all everyone and their mothers saw their demise coming long ago and if anything, it was a miracle they had made it this far.

It was simple, they were like water and oil… a combination that no matter what you did wouldn't mix… even if you forced it, even if you really tried.

She has been warned… or at least the comments never stopped coming, the 'he's too good for you', the 'he is truly a saint putting up with you' and yes, the extremely cutting ones like 'he deserves better'; overall, all those bothersome little observations people for some reason liked throwing her way should have warned her… the same comments they used to roll their eyes at in pleasant complicity should have been hint enough for her to imagine that somehow, someway, he was going to one day have enough of her.

It was stupid how she turned a deaf ear to all those words, she… the skeptic one, the one who always said not to believe in love fell too hard too soon and look at the results now. She has been left completely heartbroken and in the dark, because after four years of marriage and a three year old son, it all just ended.

Now, this man that was now killing her with his indifference wasn't always like this with her; not at all… in fact, it was quite the contrary.

Robin… when they started dating all those years ago, he acted like the most caring and attentive man she has ever met. He won her over in a matter of nothing, melting the coldness of her heart by taking her places where she has never been emotionally; he made her believe that it was possible for her to dream and love again and yes, before she knew it she married him.

At the time it seemed like the best decision to make and she didn't mind leaving her own life in New York to move with him to the other side of the country; no, she did it all in a heartbeat because she wanted to spend all the time she could with him. Back to that moment nothing mattered but him…

She didn't know how to explain it, but he sucked her into his world and she gladly made the jump. She did it without looking back because she, despite having the reputation of being the strong, hard-ass woman that she definitely was, was a fool for him since the moment they first met.

Yes, there was that and also the fact that Robin definitely knew how to use his charm to his advantage. At least until he no longer wanted her… then, his charm turned into indifference and all that was left of those initial first years was the bond created by their son, their Roland.

Now, with that statement, she didn't mean to imply that Robin played her for a fool since the very beginning, no; she knew he has loved her with every fiber of his being and yes, she was sure that he meant when he used to say that some of the best moments of his life, he spend them with her.

She believed that… the same way she believed it wasn't his fault to have fallen out of love with her.

So… even though their ending was definitely not be the most ideal, she was never going to regret the decisions that she made regarding him. How could she when she still loved him with every cell of her body?

Back to their demise, Regina couldn't exactly say when they started to change, but one good day she realized that they didn't laugh together like they used to and she started to suspect something was wrong. But they were both tired with so much work at the time and by taking care of Roland so she didn't put the attention she should have put in that problem, she just assumed that they were burnt out and that things would eventually go back to being good between them.

They didn't go back to good. In a matter of nothing they started to constantly argue over stupid things, on a few occasions their bickering turning so bad that he would rather go and sleep in their son's room and before she could even blink, they didn't even talk like they used to.

Their only common ground besides Roland was sex, their only connection… as there has never been lack of desire between them; but the thing about that was that it wasn't enough to hold the foundations of their family.

To that day, she really didn't understand how it all happened, but that's how it all went to hell. Then as recently as the previous week they ended up arguing one last time. It was about something stupid she couldn't even remember but she sure as hell recalled how it ended. She asked him the big question, was he seeing someone else?

He got mad, ridiculously so, but his answer has been no, he wasn't seeing someone else; but not being satisfied with the answer, she asked the other question… the one she has been asking herself for a while now. Why was he still there, with her?

That was when he broke her heart into a million pieces and shattered all her hopes and dreams, as his answer has been too simple…

He was there because he didn't want to be away from his son.

It hurt, like nothing she has ever experienced before, and as she sat there, in the corner of their bed, her eyes stinging with unshed tears she just looked at him dumbfounded, waiting for him to tell her that he was also there because he loved her and yes, because he wanted to fix their relationship.

But he didn't say that, he just stood there, looking at her with the most crestfallen look on his face and a storm raging in his eyes.

That's when she knew it was over, it was one of those moments when realization hit you so hard in the stomach that for a full minute you forgot how to breathe…

What could she say? With those words her whole world came crashing down at her feet and if it wasn't because she was sitting, her legs would have given up under her weight and she would have fallen down in a heap.

She wanted to beg, she wanted to cry… but being the stubborn creature that she was, she just blinked the need to cry away and lifting her chin up, she sealed their fate.

"I won't keep you away from your son… so there's no need to worry about that." She has said, right before telling him that she was going to leave. It was his house after all and if he didn't want her there, then she should as hell wasn't going to stay.

"Don't." He said, because apparently in his mind, the one that needed to leave was him. It was her house as much as it was his… and most importantly, in was Roland's. He would just pack a few things and then he would be gone.

Easy as that.

She didn't think he saw her turn in her heels and flee the room as he began packing his things, and grabbing the opportunity she sought refuge in their guess' bathroom.

To that moment, she was glad he didn't see her, as she didn't want him to take notice of how rattled she has been. That was how for the good part an hour she just sat in the floor with her face in her hands, crying her eyes out… mourning the loss of the love she loved the most.

After a while she gathered herself up, dried her tears and with her chin held up high she waited for him to kiss Roland goodbye. Then, with his gaze down, he left.

That has been the night before, the longest sleepless night of her life and yeah, it may sound pathetic, but after he was gone she just lay in bed, waiting for him to call and say that it was all a misunderstanding and that he wanted to work things out.

He never called and after crying a bit more she decided that she wasn't going to suffer for someone that didn't even care about her.

Oh but she did, she cried herself to sleep and her dreams came uneasy, especially when she was well aware that when morning came, she would have to put on a brave face and tell Roland that daddy wasn't going to have his usual breakfast with him that day… or the next ones for that matter.

That was going to be the hard part. As for her? As soon as she woke up, she adopted this new mantra in her mind where she repeated over and over again that she was going to be just fine. She was strong and smart and she didn't need a man to push forward and give her son the best life possible.

He was going to regret it and when he did, she was going to do the same he did to her because yes, by then he was going to be out of mind and out of heart.

Ah, but God… if she wanted to forget about him how come she was dying to call him, to hear his voice and look right into the deep blue of his eyes. How come she missed him so much while at the same time she wanted to go to him and tell him to fuck off?

And this was just the first day! What was she going to do when she saw him again? Because yes, they had a son together and for his sake not only would they see each other again, but they would have to do it regularly.

Hell, they needed to establish a routine for them now so once again, how was she to do that?

Taking in a deep breath and biting hard on her lips, Regina lifted her phone and unable to stop herself, she called him.

For a few excruciating seconds, Regina held her breath, feeling like her heart was going to explode inside her chest.

What will she tell him? What if he was not alone? Because yes, he said there was nobody else, but why would a man leave his wife and son in the middle of the night if it wasn't because he had another nest to land into?

"Hello." He answered and swallowing down, she cleared her throat.

"It's me…" She said stupidly, closing her eyes as she felt her eyes already watering.

"I know." He breathed out, probably annoyed that she was calling.

"Yeah, well I just wanted to ask when you were going to pick the rest of your stuff. You know, to make sure me and Roland are not here. I don't want him to see that."

For the longest minute of her life, the only thing she could listen through the other side was silence and she had to take a look at her iPhone's screen to make sure time was running and that he didn't hang up on her.

"If you want I can pack them for you… so you just have to pick them up."

"You're really in such a hurry to have me completely out?" He asked in a breath and even though she couldn't see him, she could picture him in her mind, eyes closed and his fingers running over his brows…

Breathing in and clearing her throat once again, Regina rested her head against the pillow and pressed the phone closer to my ear.

"I'm not in a hurry, but they are your things and you may need them… for this new life you were so desperate for."

"Regina," He groaned. "Why are you always trying to pick up a fight with me? If what you want is for me to be completely gone then just say it and don't try to put this one on me."

Gasping in surprise because yes, this one was entirely on him, she snarled her lips. "I'm not trying to pick up a fight with you, Robin, I just… want to know when you'll pick the rest of your things, I mean since you seemed to be in such a hurry to leave…"

"Oh come on, looking for ways to argue is all you do. Why else would you call me saying you want me to get off your hair if not to pick up a fight? You know, I don't know what you want from me anymore; you wanted me gone well I'm gone, so what else do you want?"

At those words, Regina felt like laughing out loud, but instead she sniffed as she was being invaded once again with a bad case of the tears.

She didn't trust herself to talk while being like that so she didn't say anything, she just breathed in and out while holding the phone to her ear.

For a while they remained like that, silent. But then he went ahead and helped himself to ask the worse question ever.

"Are you crying?"

Shaking her head even though he couldn't see her, Regina drew in a shaky breath and wiped angrily at her eyes.

She hated it when she cried, especially when people… when _he_ knew about it.

"Regina? Come on, talk to me." He asked almost tenderly and her need to cry grew even more.

She just didn't get it; she didn't know what she did wrong to push him away. "You know, I did all I could to make you happy, but it wasn't good enough, right?"

He breathed out, she could hear him doing it. "You know I was happy with you…"

"Then what happened? Okay, you don't have to answer to that." She chuckled. "I don't want to know it." Especially if his reason to end things with her had something to do with another woman. "Heart that can't see, heart that can feel."

"We can't have this conversation by phone, Regina… are you still home?"

Blinking her eyes open, the brunette bit hard on her lips. "I have to go… I have tons of work to do and there's Roland too so..." She said, her voice low but controlled and then, before he could say something else, she hung up and turned off her phone.

She didn't want to talk to anyone and she didn't want to think about anything… she just wanted to stay in bed until her heart stopped aching… or beating, the first thing that happened…


	2. Chapter 2

If Regina Mills had to put into words the way her life was going, she would have to go ahead and admit that it felt like she was currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.

True… she would never admit to such a thing out loud and would rather die a thousand deaths before opening up and exposing how bad she was having it, but deep inside that was how it was for her.

She was hurting; since the night Robin left, her whole world just fell apart and pretty much crumbled on top of her and she just didn't know how to pull through.

It was simply the hardest thing she has ever had to endure, to wake up every single morning with his side of the bed cold and empty, to constantly fight the urge of picking up the phone to call him… to calm down a crying three year old that simply wanted his daddy to read him a story and put him to bed…

It was a damn struggle… this constant battle of knowing she needed to be stronger but failing miserable at it… it was just… hard… and pathetic, and it made her both terribly sad and angry that as much as she put her mind to it, she just couldn't stop thinking about him.

Oh but she has tried, how she has tried; at first, she started by disconnecting herself from the outside world and for three consecutive days she forced herself into an extreme homemade treatment to detox her system of anything Robin related… but it was just that… it didn't work.

How could it? They had a child together that had his dimple smile and easy-going personality and interacting with him every single day was definitely only going to make her think about her estranged husband. Also, Roland was an eternal bond between them so how could she even pretend to forget about Robin when he would constantly call just so he could talk to his son, or when he would day in and day out text asking her about the boy?

No, it didn't work, and that didn't favor her resolution of detoxing herself of him, because even if he was not physically there, the phantom of him was forever present.

That was going to be her purgatory, to mourn in silence the premature death of the love of her life, but at the same time, being constantly reminded of it.

So yes, that was how things were going for her, but it didn't stop there, because as it happened, things only got worse when on the third day he announced he wanted to pick Roland and take him for a while. Yes, that was when she realized how bad this really was going to be, because that call meant she had to see him… she had to open the door of _their_ home for him as if he was a visitor and hand up her baby for him to take away.

She did it, of course, and she even did it like a champ, acting as cold and detached as she could and blocking how her soul shattered into a thousand pieces when neither one of them made the slightest attempt to talk and fix things.

Ever since that emotionally draining morning when she had to put on her stoic mask to watch Robin take Roland away, Regina has tried to use her mind as her biggest ally and most powerful weapon, but for every time she tried to convince herself that she didn't need him, she would wonder what he was doing; for every time she repeated that she wouldn't miss him, she would glance at her phone to see if he called; and for every single moment she said out loud that she was better off without him, her eyes would tear up with the memory of his contagious laughter and the way his secret touches would keep her high and alert during their nights together.

It was pathetic, yes, and she knew it. But what could she say? That was what he reduced her into, into a shadow of her former self who couldn't do anything other than lamenting and weeping over a broken heart.

But hey, maybe she felt like that because it was too soon, and seriously, she couldn't pretend than in just a few days she could forget about someone that meant so much to her.

Maybe she just need to give herself some time and yeah… eventually, maybe she won't live her days drowning in the memory of him.

That was her only hope, knowing that even though he hurt in places no one could reach to heal her or that most of the time she feel like his absence was overwhelming, that one day she would be able to simply pull through.

With that in mind and after her little retreat, Regina decided to get out of the confinements of her house and face the world. The first ones she decided to call were Mal and Mary Margaret. After all, she had seventeen missed calls between the two of them and even more WhatsApp messages she hadn't bothered to answer and it was time to face this second phase of her breakup; acknowledging it in front of her closest friends.

She thought that talking to them was going to do her good, after all they were her almost like family and who better to help her crawl out of the hole she dug for herself than them.

Now, Mal has been supportive as per usual, she has always been her ride or die and she even offered to either key Robin's car or to pay someone to break both his legs; obviously, she also talked about stalking him to see if he was indeed with another woman. So yeah, talking to her and listening to her ridiculous plans proved to increase her mood… but Mary Margaret?

Ugh…

Little did she know that talking to that one was only going to make things worse for her. First, because the woman was mad that Regina never called her as soon as it happened and second, because she was upset about having to find out about their breakup through David, who happened to work with Robin.

To make a long story short, Mary Margaret chewed her ear off with silly reclamation of how they were friends and needed to be there for one another through thin and thick and before Regina could even start to make excuses, MM told her that she already talked to Robin and asked him about it and he said that she broke up with him…

Yes, she was going to repeat that, Robin _said_ that _she_ ended things between them.

That right there hit her like a blow to the stomach and having no response and muttering something about having lots of work to catch up with, she hung up on her so that her brain could turn and swirl and process what she heard.

She was still processing it, and back to that day when Robin returned Roland home and he briefly glanced her way with those deep blue eyes she loved with everything she had, she was still processing it.

Back to that day, part of her started to think that maybe she acted out of an impulse and that instead of letting him leave, what she should have done was tell him that she wanted to talk things with him instead.

Maybe it all has been a misunderstanding and by letting him walk out on her, she ruined everything.

But then, after that brief glance where blue meet brown, he looked away and almost through clenched teeth told her he wanted to take Roland for the weekend as well. He did it with an unusual detached tone and another part of her knew in that moment that yes, they were through… that they were done way before the night he left and that if he would have wanted to stay with her, he would have tried to fix things.

He didn't; he didn't talk to her, he didn't try to reach out and he did nothing. Much like he told her that fateful night when all the cards were laid on the table, he was only keeping contact because of Roland and that told her everything she needed to know.

He didn't want to be with her, that's why he took her callout as the way opportunity he has been looking to be free.

That stung, she wasn't even trying to deny it and one of the questions she would ask in her mind over and over again while she lay in bed with no desire to feel was answered; no, he didn't miss her even half the way that she missed him.

She would have cried right there at the door of a home they had once shared, but by then she didn't have any more tears to give and instead of sorrow, what she felt was a big wave of desolation hitting her full force.

She was running on empty; she was tired of feeling so emotionally drained and taking in a deep breath she just established the routine they would follow.

Robin could have Roland every other weekend, starting with the following one, and he could also pick him up during the week as much as he wanted to, as long as he told her with time about it; that way they could rotate the boy's time as equally as they could.

She closed that subject as if it was a business deal, her emotions on check and her resting bitch face on point.

But then Robin mentioned something about establishing how much she wanted for child support and that almost made them argue once more.

She didn't need his money; she had said coldly and he counter attacked by saying the money was not for her but for Roland and that it was only fair they shared his expenses.

That pissed her off; it rubbed her pride the wrong way because she could cover all her boy's expenses without his help but yeah, she had to give into that one unwillingly.

As for the two of them? She didn't even know how to explain the things that ran through her mind as she lay her eyes on him that evening; she could just say that seeing him so close and after so long made her realize that things were going to be ridiculously hard for her from then on.

She just didn't know what could she do whenever she felt like she was too weak and wanted to kiss him, or what to do when her heart stubbornly felt like begging him to come back to her. Worse of all, she didn't know what was she going to do with those awful lonely nights when the essence of him, the one that still lingered in their bedroom would turn adamant into holding onto her?

Closing her eyes in defeat, Regina grabbed one of the shot glasses arranged in the table in front of her and bringing it to her mouth, she threw her head back and swallowed the fiery liquid in one gulp.

It was only her third than night, and judging by what Mal and Cruella had planned, it was not going to be the last one.

What could she say? It was her first weekend without both Roland and Robin and instead of letting her dwell on her misery as she has clearly meant to do, her two friends decided to drag her out of bed so they could celebrate her first night out being 'single'.

Regina hated the idea, she didn't feel like celebrating anything, let alone the end of her marriage. But Mal and Cruella had been way too insistent and before she even realized it, they were making her dress up so they could have a night out, like in the old times.

That was how she ended up there, in the middle of a very loud and crowded bar, meaning to drink herself into oblivion while her friends and _their_ friends tried to cheer her up.

"So what do you think about Killian, he's cute, isn't he?" Cruella asked and scrunching her nose, Regina sent her a sharp glance?

"Killian?" She asked, because really, why would she think anything particularly about the man? Unless Cruella was trying to hook up with him and wanted some encouragement, thing that wouldn't surprise Regina in the sightless. "I don't know… I guess he is."

Grinning slyly, her blonde friend slid closer to her. "You know, I googled that the first step to get over a heartbreak is to go and fuck someone else and... well, he's available, and he likes you."

Regina snorted, not sure if it was out of surprise or awkwardness, but when she was about to reply that no, that she didn't want nor needed to sleep with a man than knew both her and her husband, Mal inserted herself into the conversation and spoke before she could do it herself.

"What the hell Cru, you can't tell Regina to fuck Killian, are you out of your mind?"

"Why not? He's here and he's someone we all know. It's not like he's a stranger and between us, it looks like he's all for it."

"Killian is all for sticking his dick into anything that moves so no, I rather she hooks up with someone none of us know, someone who just disappears."

Doing a double take at the ridiculous conversation and making sure Killian and the other two friends that Cruella invited over to join them for the night were still ordering another round of drinks, Regina straightened her posture. "Okay, I'm not going to sleep with anyone tonight so just stop it. God…"

With that said, she took her phone out and with a roll of her eyes, she checked the hour. It was almost one in the morning and to be honest, all she wanted was to go home.

Sure, at first the night has been kind of bearable because the change of scenery has been distracting and yeah, the company was good. But after Cruella forced her to smile and pose so that she could take numerous pictures of them and when the effects of the shots began to hit, so did her melancholy.

She missed Robin, she missed seeing his face everyday and to wake up with him by her side and she would do anything to be with him and Roland in that moment.

She didn't want Killian or to celebrate the fact that her husband left her; what she wanted was to have her family together again.

Taken by her need of the man, Regina casually got into her WhatsApp and searched around until she found him. She was just going to send a message asking about her son, as she didn't want to come off as desperate, but when she clicked into his contact and saw that he was online, her heart deflated and sank down to her stomach as she wondered why he was on his phone at that hour.

Who he was talking to? And about what?

Sucking in a deep breath, she stared at the phone's screen for the longest time and well, he never went offline.

All of a sudden, all she could think was that there was indeed another woman and that was who he was talking to; because really, she knew Robin like the palm of her hand and he was not the kind to be chatting on the phone and let alone at that hour.

Unless it was with a woman… with the one he left her for and she knew right in that moment that she hated _her_.

She hated that she, whoever she was, was the one Robin wanted to be with, the one who was going to touched by him and the one with whom he was going to share his repertory of bad jokes… and she was going to laugh at them because even though they were lame, Robin was so damn charming that she would just laugh.

And then, when they would be in bed together, Robin would probably surprise her in the middle of the night by kissing her awake, his fingers running all over her skin until they would both satiate their desire…

Just like he used to do with her.

Feeling a sharp pain take over her chest, Regina drew in a breath. "I'm going to call him." She announced, decided. She wasn't sure what would she say but she needed to talk to him.

"You don't mean calling Robin, do you?" Mal hurried to ask while she placed a hand over Regina's phone.

"Yes… I'm just going to call and ask about Roland." She lied, not wanting to come off as pathetic as she was feeling. "He's not used to spend the night in a strange house… maybe he can't sleep, maybe he needs to hear my voice."

"No-uh! That's a huge no, darling."

"Regina. I'm sure Roland is perfectly fine and sleeping, so let me have this." Mal took the phone away and in its place she put another shot glass. "Tonight is not a night to worry, it's a night to forget and just… relax a little and have a good time, okay?"

Nodding even when she was aware that she couldn't just forget, Regina drank her shot. Then, when Killian and the other guys came with more drinks she even began to sip from one, thinking… and the more she thought and drank the worse she felt.

It was just that… she just couldn't understand how it was that she and Robin crashed so hard so fast… and she couldn't understand how it was possible he moved on as if she has been nothing.

This was not how their story was supposed to end… no, it was always supposed to be them, they were soulmates… and he was her everything, and that they were no more didn't make any kind of sense.

Musing about that and chastising her mind with all kinds of assumptions, the brunette tried to bear the rest of the night as best as she could, but like most locals, the later it got, the more depressing the music turned…

And she had too much alcohol already in her system, so when a particular song started to play all over the place, a sudden heaviness started to settle deep in her chest and breathing began to be a struggle.

She was harshly invaded by memories and she didn't know how to defend herself.

'…_It's buried in my soul like California gold  
You found the light in me that I couldn't find._

_So when I'm all choked up  
But I can't find the words  
Every time we say goodbye  
Baby, it hurts  
When the sun goes down  
And the band won't play  
I'll always remember us this way…'_

She tried to hold it… she really tried, especially because she was not the kind to be emotional in public, but as the melody went on and everyone at their table kept talking in cheerful voices, she chocked on a sob and in a matter of nothing she began to cry.

Sure, she hid her face with both hands not to shame herself, but something about what she did alerted the others because all of a sudden Mal and Cruella were all over her, asking her what happened and then forcing her to her feet and guiding her out the door.

It was only when they were outside in the open and she was siting in the backseat of someone's car, doors wide open and her feet resting on the parking lot's asphalt that she was able to gain a bit of control. Just a little though.

"I told you this was a bad idea."

"Shut up Mal, just… ugh! Regina, darling what is it?"

Shaking her head no because she wasn't going to be able to speak without chocking on her words, the brown-eyed woman sucked in a breath, her hands still in her face as the tears kept coming.

"What do you think it is, genius? She just broke up with her husband and here you had this dumb idea of taking her out to hang out."

"Well I didn't know she was going to get like this. Maybe if you wouldn't have made her drink so much."

"Yeah, as if your idea of making her hook up was better."

"I want to go home." Regina said at last, wiping at her face and trying to hold onto her tears.

"Is everything alright?"

Great, she thought as Killian's voice was added to that as her other two friends. It was exactly what she needed to complete her misery, a witness… to have someone who could tell Robin all about how she broke down in a bar because of him seeing her like this.

"She's fine, she just needs to rest a little. Come on, I'll take you home."

Blinking rapidly, Regina inhaled deeply, Mal's words giving her a sense of comfort.

"I can take her." Killian offered. Regina barely heard, she was too occupied trying to get a hold of herself. But she did notice the little argument between her two friends discussing if it was or not a good idea to let the man take her.

At the end Cruella won, but Mal only let him take her with the menace that she would skin him alive if he even dared looking at Regina the wrong way.

He didn't, they didn't even speak to one another as he drove her home, at least not until he was pulling over in front of her big empty house.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked, biting into his lips as he turned to her.

Lifting her chin up, Regina just looked at him. It was a silent way to let him know that yes, he could ask her whatever was in his mind.

"Why is it that two people who are clearly in love with each other and who are simply miserable being away insist on being apart?"

Regina, who was more than likely a bit drunk, snorted. "I think there's only one person feeling miserable here… and guess what, that's not Robin."

The man's eyebrows rose and a grin formed on his mouth. "Have you seen him?"

Thinking back to the day before when her still husband came to pick Roland, she nodded. Yes, she has seen him, and he looked fine and nothing like she probably looked in that moment. "Yes, have you?"

"Yes."

"And was he miserable?" She held her breath, for some reason hoping with everything that she had to hear that yes, that Robin was as miserable as she was feeling.

But that wasn't what Killian said, instead, narrowing his eyes, he took in a deep breath and told her something Mary Margaret would have said instead. "I'll put it this way… you two should talk, like _really_ talk."

Groaning because that served her for nothing, Regina rolled her eyes. "Yeah… that seems to be the general consensus. Anyway, thanks for the ride."

"It wasn't a problem." He said as she opened the door to go out, but when she was about to close it, he called for her.

Swirling on her heels and feeling a bit dizzy with the movement, Regina looked at him. "Yes?"

"If it turns out you two don't work it out, make sure to give me a call. I'm willing to take one a hell of a beating from that idiot just to take you out."

Curling the corner of her lips, the brunette blinked in disbelief a couple of times, but then she shook her head and a laugh escaped her. "Goodnight, Killian."

He smiled, waiting until she was safely inside the house before driving away.

Still shaking her head at the nonsense that it was Killian taking her out, her lips curved into the phantom of a smile as she reached for her phone to let Mal know she made it home in one piece. That way, she walked through the house until she made it into her bedroom.

She was drained and the alcohol in her wasn't helping, so in that moment she wanted nothing more than to take a shower and go to bed; that was what her mind was focused on, and that was why she quickly kicked her heels off her feet and threw the rest of her things over her bed.

It was an easy task, but she stumbled along the way and she cussed under her breath, wondering how she ended up clumsily tripping on her own two feet.

Maybe it was because it was too dark so she tried to fix that, but as she turned on the light she was startled by the presence of another person in that room and the sudden scare made her jump, her heart racing inside her chest until she recognized who it was.

"For the love of God, Robin… don't do that." She hissed a bit out of breath.

Because yes, it was Robin; he was sitting with his arms folded to his chest and his head thrown back against the wall behind the chair he was on.

Yes, him being there was exactly what she has been wanting since the moment he left, but now that he was there, she was frozen on the spot.

For several seconds, the two of them just stared at each other and not being completely sober, she wondered if she was imagining him being there or worse, if Killian by mistake took her to John's house, place where Robin claimed to be staying along with her son…

But no, this was her home, it was her room, and that only meant that it was Robin the one invading her privacy.

Running a hand through her hair, she wondered why was that. Could it be because something happened to her son?

"Where's Roland? Did something happen?"

"He's fine." Robin said in a raspy whisper, tilting his head up and looking straight into her eyes. "He's with Little John."

Biting her tongue so that she couldn't ask why the hell he wanted to take Roland for the weekend if he wasn't even going to be there for him, Regina hummed... "Then why are you here?"

Clearing his throat and scratching along his jaw, he smirked. But it wasn't the kind of smirk he would flash around when he was feeling over-confident or when he was in a playful mood, no… it was the kind that would corrupt his lips when he was pissed off but was trying to get a hold of himself.

"You're drunk."

He went straight to the point with those words and she felt her jaw tensing. "Is that a crime now?"

Robin shrugged, as if he really didn't care. "It's not."

Pushing the inside of her cheek with her tongue, Regina walked into the room and let the door close on its own. For a moment she didn't know what to do so she just rested her back to the wall facing him. "I was out with the girls… they figured that we should… go out on my first weekend off."

After she said that, Robin just stared at her and swallowing on dry, she forced herself to maintain her eyes on him. Sure, part of her wanted to just go to him and kiss him like she knew he liked to be kissed and maybe convince him why they needed to work things out; but at the same time she didn't want to let him know how weak she was for him… her pride was too strong to let that happen.

"The girls and Killian, right? Was that why you wanted out of this?"

Chuckling in disbelief, Regina placed her hands to her hips, her eyes narrowing as she little by little started to understand what was going on. He came to keep tabs on her… he probably saw all the photos Cruella posted on her Inta and he came to check when and with who she came back.

Just like a typical alpha male… the kind that doesn't eat nor did he let others eat.

"Are you spying on me?"

"Spy? I don't have to spy, Regina, not when everyone I know calls on me to tell me you are bar hoping with Killian… with Killian _fucking_ Jones of all people!"

Regina gasped… her alcohol infused brain not knowing what to say or what to think. "I wasn't bar ho… you know what? Who cares what I was doing? This is what you wanted so don't try to come here telling me what I can do and with whom."

Licking his lips and shifting where he sat, he snorted bitterly. "Yeah… this is exactly what I wanted, Regina, for you to hook up with another man while I haven't even completely moved out of the house, so thanks. Oh, and in case you didn't notice I was being sarcastic." He added, a bit too loud for her taste.

"So it's like that, you can leave me for another woman but I can't go out with a friend? Because yes, Killian is just a friend. Not like this is any of your business but I wasn't hooking up with him or with anyone."

With his face transformed into a stoic mask, the blue-eyed man got up to his feet. "I didn't leave you for another woman… I didn't even imply I wanted to leave… you were the one who wanted me out."

She did a double take at that, her eyes blinking rapidly. "I wanted you out? You fucking left Robin… the idea came out of your mouth."

His lips twisted. "Because you said you wanted to leave… and I wasn't going to let you or my son wander aimlessly when you have a home to stay at."

"No, don't try to turn the roles now and play victim here, Robin; if I said I was going to leave it was because _you_ said you only stuck around because of Roland. I know you Robin Locksley, just as well as you know me and you knew that I wasn't going to sit around after that… you knew it."

He didn't offer a response to that, he just looked at her through shadowed eyes and that all the answer she needed. That's when she knew that he cowardly pushed her away so that he wouldn't have to be the bad one who gave her the boot.

"See? You don't even care enough to say something to that." She said through clenched teeth and as she did that, she realized that she mad at him.

Mad because he threw their relationship down the toilet without looking back. Yes, maybe she was the one who gave the first step to move on but if she did that, it was because he pushed her there.

"You know I care about you." He said, as if that was enough.

"No you don't, if you cared you would have come face to face with me to tell me that you wanted us to be over. But no… instead of that you took the cowards way out."

As soon as she finished saying that, Regina realized that she was also speaking a bit too loud and at the knowledge, she closed her eyes.

She didn't want to end this in a fight. She didn't want to taint what they had with a stupid argument that was going to lead them nowhere.

"Go face to face with you to tell you what exactly? I couldn't even talk to you without you turning every single conversation into a bloody fight."

Snorting, she bit on her lips and blinked the itching that was taking over her eyes. "Anything…" She said almost in a whisper. "You could have told me anything and I would have listened… so don't go saying this was a decision I made because you know it wasn't."

He shook his head. "That's bullshit, you never listened."

Too tired to keep fighting, she shrugged. "Well, I hope your new… woman, listens to you and ends up being everything I failed to be for you."

He walked to her, mad, she could see it in his darkening eyes and in the firmness of his jaw. "You know what, you can keep the narrative that this was because of someone else all you want to, you can even believe it, but that will never take from the fact that you have your fair share of blame here."

Snarling her lips and feeling a new wave of anger invade her, Regina groaned. "Just go away, Robin." She said, she even put her hands on his chest to push him away.

Now, it wasn't like she shoved him so he didn't even move and taking her hands away from him, she tried to turn away.

If he didn't want to leave, then she would.

She wasn't sure if she could survive this new argument with her emotions intact and she didn't want to crumble down in front of him. After all, she could already feel her eyes watering and crying was the last thing she wanted to do while he watched her.

"No, you wanted me to talk then you will stand there and listen. You want to know what your problem is?" He asked in a hiss, grabbing her by the arm and fixing the intensity of his eyes on her. "You are apparently so set up into believing I left for someone else that at the end that's the only thing you can think of… that either talks fucking volumes of the trust you had in me or it's the excuse you give to yourself to justify why the first thing you did as soon as I was gone was plan a night out to celebrate your so called freedom, because yes, that's was the cutesy little hashtag your friends started throwing in all the happy photos they put of you."

"I had nothing to do with that?"

"Oh really, should I believe you with the same trust you always had on me, which apparently was none?"

"That's not true," She interrupted him and she could feel a couple of angry tears sliding down her cheeks. "I walked into this trusting you more than I trusted anyone and if I started to doubt was because you started to push me away. Or what? For how long did you want me to warm up your bed while you were out 'working'? I'm not stupid Robin, and that I love you doesn't mean that I have to settle for less."

Once that was out of her chest, Regina wiped at her eyes. It was useless, there was no way he hadn't notice that her eyes are leaking.

"There has never been anyone else, just you; not that you would believe me anyway. I mean why trust me? It was easier to want out like you did."

"And what did you expect? Even if there was no other woman, you told me you were not here for me, you stood there and told me."

Biting on her lips and lifting a hand to his face, Regina placed her hand over his cheek and then she let it slowly slide down to his chest. Maybe this was the last time she would have him close so she was letting herself indulge in the little act.

"I would have done anything for you, Robin… you know that-" She still would… he always had that over her and she guessed part of her would always succumb to anything he wanted. "But I couldn't sit and have you be with me if you didn't love me anymore."

Robin blew out a breath and she closed her eyes. He was not saying that he still loved her and even though she wasn't expecting him to do so, she still felt her heart withering and dying inside her chest.

"Believe it or not I do care about you and this was not about me not loving you, because I do and I always will." He mumbled, his fingertips tracing the wet path her tears left in her cheeks. "You are the mother of my child and the most important person to be in my life so no, I never meant for this to end this way."

His touch was so soft… differing greatly from the roughness of his attitude as of late.

"I didn't want that either." But they did. It was okay though, someday she would learn to live without him… maybe.

Lowering his head and getting so close that she could feel his breath caressing her lips, Robin slid his hand to the back of her head, letting it run down her hair as he spoke. "I always thought you deserved better than me. Maybe you'll get it now… just not Killian, yeah?"

With that said, he kissed the corner of her lips and before she could even think of turning her head to kiss him full on the mouth, he pulled away and turned around to leave.

She watched him as if in a trance, thinking that there could be lots better than him in essence, but the one her heart and body wanted was him…


	3. Chapter 3

"So let me see if I get this straight; he said there was no one else… and he said that he loved you, but he still walked away? How come… I mean how does that even makes sense?"

Blinking slowly as her longtime friend sent her way what appeared to be a questioning glance, the raven-haired woman known as Regina Mills arched an eyebrow, staring back at Mary Margaret with the same bafflement clouding her eyes.

The truth was that she didn't get it either, she didn't get it at all. On her last encounter with her husband, the man basically talked out of both sides of his mouth and instead of clarifying her doubts, he left her more confused than ever.

The way she saw it, he basically told her the equivalent of the cliché 'I love you, but I can't be with you' line and that made no sense whatsoever…

Unless he told her that not to make her feel like a total failure because let's face it, Robin was the kind of man that would hate to make her feel even worse than what she felt so he could have said that just to appease her…

After all he has made no attempt to talk to her about anything that wasn't Roland after they had that talk so yes, that could very much be it.

"I think he said that just to say it, so I wouldn't feel so bad. I mean he didn't actually say an _'I love you, Regina'_ but it was like, _yeah, you're the mother of my child so I will always love you_' and you know what? It could be that I was a little drunk but that came off like total bullshit to me."

Pouting her lips, Mary Margaret hummed. "Nah, he went to you as soon as he thought you were hooking up with Killian. He was jealous… he acted like it so to me that says a lot."

Shaking her head as her eyes followed the movements of Roland and Mary Margaret's little girl as they took turns going down the slide, Regina sighed tiredly. "He wasn't jealous, he was acting possessive and that doesn't scream love, it's a macho alpha reaction because as soon as he saw that I came home alone, he left. He didn't even mean to stay or to fix things, he just wanted to stake his claim. A claim he apparently has no intention to take."

"Well… I don't know about that. David says he looks a little down and that he has been like that ever since you two… you know, broke up."

For a few seconds, Regina didn't say anything, as she didn't want to read too much into what the woman was saying. It was no secret than both her friend and her husband were ridiculously sappy and in their never-ending optimism, they could be seeing things were there were none.

Besides, Robin acting a bit down didn't mean much… he probably was indeed feeling upset, after all he was separated from his son, which was the reason why he endured being with her for so long so yeah…

The thing was that she couldn't open a window of hope by thinking this was affecting him the same way it was affecting her because she would more likely than not end up even more disappointed, and after she was finally letting resignation settle in, that was something she couldn't afford.

No, it has been almost two weeks already since the day he left and she couldn't go back to those awful first days where she was sure her world would crumble with his absence.

She was doing better now, even when she still loved him with every fiber of her being and even when she missed him like crazy, she was making peace with the idea that they were through.

"You know what I think you should do? You need to win him back, he is your husband and Regina, you can't give up without a fight."

Chuckling dryly, Regina ran a hand through her hair. "Win him back… I'm not going to beg him if that's what you are suggesting. That would be humiliating for me and awkward for him."

"Do you love him?"

Biting on her lips, she set her eyes on her son, watching as he ran around the park with the same dimple smile as his father and the same free spirit.

"Of course I do."

"Then you'll do whatever it needs to be done. If you must seduce him back into your arms then you do it, or if you think driving him mad with jealousy until he realizes he's the one that should be with you then you'll do that too, but this… sitting around and doing nothing is not doing either of you any favors. And I don't know, you can even use Killian for that last one, I mean aren't you two talking?"

At those words, Regina rolled her eyes, thinking that yes, Mary Margaret was one of her best friends and she loved her to death, after all they knew each other since they were kids and sure, if she met Robin in the first place it was because he worked with David and the two of them introduced them in one of their get-togethers… but even though she would give her right arm if it meant helping the woman or even her kid, the truth was that sometimes she was just too much.

"That sounds like one hell of a plan, MM… if we were in high school." Besides even though Killian occasionally texted her and yeah, even if she would reply back and chuckle at his weird occurrences, she wouldn't say they were talking per se.

She could, she knew she could and that Killian would accept whatever she would throw his way, but that was not the path she wanted to take.

Thinking about that, out of the corner of her eye, Regina noticed as her friend shifted on her side of the bench to take a better look at her. She saw this, but she just focused her eyes on the the kids playing in front of her.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Why ask? You know you will tell me anyway, won't you?"

"I think you and Robin need to _really_ talk this out; I mean you are married with a kid so ending things out of the blue without even trying to work it out doesn't even make sense to me."

"It doesn't have to make sense, we were together, it didn't work out and that's it."

Mary Margaret snorted, "Are you sure you still love him?"

Turning her head her way, Regina scoffed. "You know I do."

"You know, I've been with David for ten years now so I know what I'm talking about here. When it comes to relationships, it's not going to be peaches and cream all the time. Couples have their ups and down and yeah, sometimes they get tired of each other easily. You know David gets on my nerves from time to time and I'm sure he says the same about me."

Regina highly doubted that, as she has seen them since their very beginning and they have always been cloying to a fault.

"But you know what? We've learned to deal with each other; if I find him particularly irritable one day I go out and take a breather with you girls, but at the end of the day I know I can go to him and tell him to settle his tea kettle and he does the same with me. We talk things out because that's what couples do. We don't turn our backs on each other and walk away at the first sign of trouble."

"It's not the same." And it really wasn't. She tried to give Robin space and when they started to drift apart, she also tried to talk things out. But at the end they always ended up arguing and it was crystal clear that there was nothing to fix.

She hated to admit it, but if they would have remained together any longer and in the same predicament, things would have only ended up getting bitter and nasty and she didn't want that.

"For the love of God, Regina. You know what? Robin is right, you _are_ thick headed."

"You know, I will appreciate if you stopped talking about me with him. Please and thank you." With those words said, Regina's eyes narrowed as she saw a bunch of boys running into the park.

They were a handful, probably around twelve years old and they came making a lot of noise and acting like little savages. In her mind, that meant it was time to go because both Emma and Roland were too little to be caught in the middle of them.

But before she could even stand up to go and get the kids, one of the bigger boys, one who came in with a skateboard jumped into the playground slide and rolled all the way down… and as she watched in horror, he landed right on top of Roland who has been kneeling down picking some leaves.

"Oh my God." She heard Mary Margaret mutter by her side… or at least that's what she thought she heard, because by the time the first syllable was out of her mouth, Regina was almost by Roland's side.

"I didn't see him." The boy said as he tried to pick Roland up and yeah, much later she was going to look back into the moment and regret her reaction, but as soon as she saw him touch her son, she pushed him away to pick him up herself.

"Mommy." Roland cried as she hugged him to her chest.

"Hey, baby. It's okay, I'm here."

"Are you are of your mind? Don't you see there are little kids playing around? Get out of here before I break that stupid thing in your head." Mary Margaret yelled at the group of boys and in a matter of nothing, they all ran away.

Emma also began crying at her mother's outburst… not that Regina put much attention to any of that as she was too preoccupied checking on a very distressed Roland.

"Where does it hurts?" She asked, almost on the verge of tears herself because it was obvious that her baby boy was in pain. He wouldn't just stop crying so he didn't reply, but when Regina started to touch him all over to see for herself, she noticed how he started yelling when she reached his arm.

"Here? Does it hurt here?" She asked, sucking in a breath as Roland kept wailing.

"Come on, I'll take you to the hospital."

Nodding, she picked her boy up and followed Mary Margaret to her car and together, they embarked in what she considered to be the longest ride ever. With each passing second, Roland would just cry harder and because the boy was crying so much, Emma wouldn't shut up either.

By the time they reached the hospital, Regina's nerves were on edge and it wasn't until the doctor started to treat the boy, that she was able to at least internalize what was going on.

He had a broken arm, that's what the doctor said after some x-rays and even though that was bad, she took comfort when the nurse gave Roland something for the pain. At least that way the boy was more calmed down.

That was also the moment she thought she should let Robin know. She sent him a message with the basics and then put the phone into her purse, not even bothering to wait for a reply.

By the time he showed up, it was because Mary Margaret showed him through… just in time so that he could be there when the doctor began putting a cast on Roland's arm.

The boy beamed when he saw his dad, the pain of breaking a bone apparently forgotten as he began to enthusiastically tell Robin all of what happened. In a way it made Regina smile, so she conceded some space for them to bond while she walked towards Mary Margaret to thank her for staying all the way to the end.

"Well, since Robin is here I guess I'll go, Emma's getting a bit cranky." Mary Margaret said as she balanced her five-year-old in her arms. "Will you be alright, you know… getting back to get your car?" She hissed as her eyes moved to where Regina's estranged husband was.

Running a hand down her face because she knew what Mary Margaret was trying to do but refusing to even acknowledge it, she nodded. "Yeah, I'll be alright. Thanks for everything, really."

"Don't mention it, you know these things are. Anyway, I'll call you tonight, okay? Give Roland lots of kisses…. Robin too. Oh and remember what I told you, bye."

With that said, she left, and Regina had no other choice than to walk back into the room where Roland was being tended.

"Look mommy, green. Like daddy." The three-year-old said as he proudly showed her the new cast in his arm.

"Yeah, I see that." She walked to him and kissed his cheek, and then without even sparing Robin a glance, she went to the doctor to get all the instructions on the boy's care and then to sign all the papers for the insurance.

It was only when she was done with all that, that she finally walked to her son and husband. "Well, kiss your daddy goodbye, Roland, it's time to go home."

"No, I want daddy." He complained, snuggling against his father and biting on her lips, Regina finally looked at the man.

The glance over has been out of instinct, her eyes trying to ask for help as he has always been more successful when negotiating with the boy. But… as soon as her eyes settled on his, she knew that complicity was long gone because all she saw, was that the man wanted the boy as much as Roland wanted him.

He was not going to give him up so easily and there was no way she was going to win this fight…

She still tried though.

"How about if daddy comes pick you up tomorrow after work? You can spend all the time you want with him then."

"No, I want daddy to come home now."

And shit… she had to lower her eyes at that one, her teeth chewing on the inside of her cheek until leaving it raw.

"I can go and put him to bed, you won't even notice I'm there."

At the smoothness of his voice and that accent that used to brighten her days at one point, Regina looked at him again, her eyes fixed on his clear blue eyes while she wondered where he got the idea that she didn't want him in _their_ house. Quite the contrary, she wanted him back there but not just so he could put their boy to bed.

No… she wanted him to come back for good.

Obviously, she wasn't going to entertain the idea of that happening so she tried to keep acting as if she was indifferent to him.

It was safer that way… and easier for her still broken heart. "I don't mind it. In fact, you can go ahead and take him home, I kind of have to pick my car first so…"

"Where's your car?" He asked, not even letting her finish.

"It's at the park, I came with Mary Margaret."

His eyebrow rose. "So are you planning to walk there?"

Lifting her phone and showing it to him even though it was locked, Regina shrugged. "I'll get an Uber."

Robin scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous, come on, I'll drive you there."

He didn't give her time to protest before he was walking away and having no other choice, she went with him, trying not to dwell on how familiar it felt just to have him and Roland all together… despite the circumstances.

Even the pine scent of his car made her feel nostalgic, the same one she used to hate so much…

"You should have called me as soon as it happened, you know." He said once the car was on drive and he pulled away from the hospital's parking lot.

Blowing out a breath, Regina looked out the window. She was too drained for this kind of interaction so instead of biting back, she just closed her eyes for a couple of seconds. "I don't want to argue… not now."

"I'm not arguing. I just… wish you would take me in consideration when it comes to things regarding my son. Or even you for that matter. That Uber thing was completely ridiculous and I don't know, that we are not together doesn't mean we can't be civil to each other or that we have to stop caring."

"Okay." She said just to say something, but the truth was that his words made her feel a pang of hurt that settled deep in her chest and saying anything else would probably end in disgrace.

Thankfully, the rest of the ride was made in complete silence, because Roland fell asleep as soon as he was put on his car-seat.

Now… picking up her car came as a relief and on the drive back home she started chanting in her mind that she should not read too much into things…

Robin was just being polite, then, as soon as Roland was put to bed he was going to leave and nothing would have changed. She needed to keep that very clear in her mind and she needed to stop being such a fool for him.

He didn't want her. He left, and if he has stayed for so long was because of Roland.

Who knew? Maybe her mother has always been right when it came to them, as she had predicted they wouldn't last long. They started too fast and too strong, and the older woman liked to say that was the first sign of a short marriage.

Shaking her head because the last thing she needed in that moment was to think about Cora Mills, Regina made it to her house and parked in the garage. Robin, who has been driving behind her, pulled in front of the house.

"He woke up a little crabby." He said as he carried a wimpy Roland inside.

"The doctor said I could give him something for the pain."

And she did, she searched into her bathroom's cabinet for what was appropriate and after she made Roland take it down with a grill cheese and some milk so he wouldn't sleep with an empty stomach, she gave the boy a quick bath.

Robin helped along, until he at some point disappeared into the kitchen only to re-emerge with two mugs of coffee.

"Have you eaten anything?" He asked as he handed her one and she wasn't going to lie, she did a double take before accepting it.

"Oh… um yeah, earlier on." Before going to the park.

Robin hummed, eyeing her down in that way he used to look at her when he was going to scold her as if he was her father and not her husband.

He didn't though and she just focused on watching Roland start to doze off in his father's arms as she drank her coffee.

"You can put him to sleep in my bed, I don't want him to be alone tonight. Anyway… 'll be down if you need anything." Because she didn't need to be there to see Robin in their bedroom…

But as her words rolled out of her tongue, Roland woke up startled and he began to cry softly. "No, mommy don't leave."

"Hey, it's okay I'm here." She reassured him, walking to him so that she could run her fingers through his curls. "I'm here."

With his good hand, Roland grabbed for her and well, she didn't have it in her to leave him. That's how she ended up climbing in bed with him and yeah, with Robin.

It was awkward… she felt it in the heavy air she breathed and in the tension emanating from her skin in huge waves. To be there, on her side, basically facing Robin while Roland fit in the space between them.

Now yeah, it was a big bed, but somehow, in her mind the space shrunk to nothing and he was just too close. It was impossible not to notice him and even when she was trying her best to keep her gaze on the back of Roland's head, her treacherous eyes would betray her and they would every now and then look at him.

What could she say? It was impossible not to get caught on him… not to drink on his handsome features… and as her brown orbs danced over his face she took on the little details… on how he has shaved not long ago so the strong outline of his jaw was visible, and then if she looked a bit up her eyes would get caught in the way his eyelashes would cast a faint shadow under his eyes as he looked down at Roland.

He was just… perfect and hell, she could look at him until the night was over, getting lost in the memories of their best days; but then when she was getting too comfortable, he lifted the blue of his eyes to her and when their gazes met, she looked away.

For a few minutes there was complete silence, the only sounds those of Roland's soft snores and the loud beating of her heart. It was tense… thick and very tangible, especially when her eyes got tired of staring all around and she ventured to look at him once more… noticing how his lips, those lips that used to kiss her with such passion once were now quirked as he looked at her.

Now, he didn't look away as she has done and for a moment, she refused to drop her eyes from his as well. That way, she got lost into the depths of those blues of his, her mind screaming that this was the moment she needed to do as Mary Margaret implied…

What was her pride if she could win back the love of her life, right?

She didn't do anything, obviously… but then it all became too much and mumbling something about going to the kitchen, she climbed out of bed, grabbed the two mugs of coffee, his and hers and marched out of the bedroom.

It was as she was furiously washing them and rinsing them by her sink, cussing under her breath that she felt the true weight of the moment fully fall on her.

She has been in the verge of begging him, of asking him to stay…

"He's out."

Jumping a little as she heard Robin speak, Regina closed her eyes for a second, trying to regain her composure before turning to him. "Good, hopefully tomorrow will be better. I'll let you know if he needs anything."

Apparently ignoring her dismissal, Robin nodded, his hands finding the pockets of his pants so they could hide in there. "So how you've been doing?" He asked after a while, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

Shrugging, she sighed. "I'm doing great." Yeah… fantastic, marvelous… definitely not as if her heart has been ripped off her chest and chattered to dust in his hands… "How about you?"

"I've been better." He flashed her half a smirk and yes, her heart, the same one he held in his hand stopped for a few seconds… but then he blew out a breath and looked away, just in time, because in that precise moment, his phone started to ring.

He took it out, looked at the screen and putting it on silence, he let it rest on the counter.

"I'm going to use your bathroom."

Taking notice on how he said _your_ instead of _our_, Regina lowered her eyes, biting on her lips and realizing that she was never going to get over him if she hung on every single thing he said…

That was what she was thinking when his phone beeped and well… before she could help it, she took one and then two steps forward so that she could take a look at the screen.

It was a message now, and because Robin never got around to locking his screen so what everything wouldn't be on display, she easily saw what it was.

It was a simple thing, someone asking how was Roland… nothing out of the ordinary… if it wasn't because it was a woman the one who wrote… a _Mulan_ she definitely didn't know…

Sucking in a shaky breath and walking towards the dinner table, Regina closed her eyes tight shut, doing her very best to will the tears that were stupidly forming behind her closed eyelids to stay there.

She managed, but then she noticed that her hands were slightly trembling and she closed those into fits.

So there was after all another woman… sure, the text probably meant nothing. It could be a co-worker so she made the mental note to ask Mary Margaret if she knew who she was; yeah… that must be it, it was nothing… after all wasn't she also randomly texting Killian? Because yes, she was and in her mind that didn't mean anything…

'_Because you don't want to… not because Killian isn't trying'_ A voice deep within her reminded her and yeah, in a matter of nothing she armed a whole movie in her head.

Robin has been with this _Mulan_ when she texted him about Roland, that's why she was asking and since he has spent almost all day away, she wanted to know about his whereabouts…

"I'm going to go." Robin said when he walked back into the kitchen and Regina nodded, her eyes still closed. "You should eat something by the way."

"I'm not hungry." She snapped, but instead of her voice coming out hostile, it came as a broken sob.

"Hey." He said, immediately going to her and making her turn around so that they could face each other. "What is it?" He asked in obvious concern.

Caught with a few tears menacing to fall, Regina breathed in. She wasn't going to admit why she was like that so she used the best excuse. "It was my fault; I shouldn't have taken him to that stupid park."

Robin scoffed, running the ball of his thumbs over her skin to wipe her tears. "It was an accident, it could have happened anywhere and let's face it, it that kid takes after me, this is not going to be the last broken bone he has."

Sniffing and fixing her eyes on his piercing ones, the brunette licked her lips. He was close… too close to be considered acceptable and once again, Mary Margaret's words danced inside her skull, making her wonder about things.

Like if she kissed him, would he kiss her back? He was looking as her as if he would…

"That doesn't make me feel any better." She chuckled dryly, her lips parting a little when she felt the way his breath brushed against her.

"I know, sorry." He whispered, his eyes still locked with hers.

"No you're not." And really, what was she even talking about? She wasn't even sure. All she knew was that her mind was definitely not in the right place.

By then, his hands were in her hair, his fingers grabbing her firmly and tilting her face up so yes, she should try it because he was her husband and she couldn't let a _Mulan_ take him away…

She didn't kiss him though; it was him the one who closed the gap between them by pressing his mouth to hers. Not like he pushed it, he just allowed his lips to linger over hers for a few seconds before pulling away.

Opening her eyes and her lips resenting the void left by his mouth, she sighed because she missed him and she didn't want to let go. That's why she closed the distance that separated her from the warmness of his lips and kissed him, a firm contact that he definitely didn't repel.

Now, just like she remembered, Robin's lips were soft and warm against hers and she soaked in the sensation, and then when he parted his mouth into the kiss she did the same, their breaths mingling together.

Placing one hand to small of her back while the other one remained in her hair, Robin caught Regina's lower lip between his teeth, nibbling at her tender flesh and thus provoking the woman to sigh.

And oh boy, as soon as she did that, he took one step further and brushed his tongue to her lips, testing the waters before going deeper. Eagar to participate, Regina tilted her head to the side and brushed tongues with her husband, marking the beginning of a more deeper kissing where both of them re-explored, savored and enjoyed.

It felt great, it made her feel warm all over and her body was starting to react to the way he kissed and pressed against her.

It was amazing… what a simple kiss could provoke, a kiss like the thousands they've shared before. But this one was definitely something else and getting drunk on sensation, she wrapped both arms around his neck, her intention getting him even closer.

Taking on the hint, Robin put his own hands into motion, lowering them just below her ass so that he could lift her up over the table. He did that without much effort and accommodating himself right between her parted legs, he kissed her deeper.

Humming as his tongue melted hotly against hers, the brunette's fingers buried themselves into his hair. She could feel a pleasant heat settling right where his erection was pressing to her groin and wanting to feel more of that, she slid towards him.

He reacted quickly, grabbing her hips and pulling her almost harshly against him. But then, as she gasped into his mouth, he broke away from the kiss and dropped his hands away from her.

"I should go." He whispered, pushing on the inside of his cheek with the tip of his tongue.

Regina, who was breathing hard as desire burned all over her skin, slid a hand to his face, her fingers tracing his lips.

"You don't have to go. Stay." And there, she said it… the thing she swore never to do.

Robin exhaled loudly, looking away and taking a step back. "I don't think that's a good idea… I don't want to end up doing something stupid."

Letting her hand fall away from him, Regina blinked a couple of times, the fact that he believed being with her was doing something stupid drilling hard into her brain.

"I'm sorry, I really am." With that and with his eyes filled with something that oddly resembled sadness, Robin took a few more steps back… then he turned on his heels and left… leaving Regina with that deep sense of doom that she felt when he first left.

This was it… he was not going to ever come back and that was something that needed some dealing with… because it was clear now that she needed to get over him no matter how…

TBC

Alright, alright… I promise I'll make these two talk in next chapter. Probably after they do some stupid things but they will talk alright. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

She was going to sleep with Killian.

Yes. Her mind was made up, and in her drunken stupor she wanted to believe that was a decision she made in the spur of the moment and that it was triggered by the undivided attention the man was showing to her that night, but the truth was that she decided on it the moment she swore to herself that she was going to force Robin out of her head and out of her heart no matter what.

It would do her good… he was clearly interested and since they began exchanging messages a few weeks ago, he has been doing nothing but making her feel wanted.

It was actually silly, but in that moment of her life when her pride and her ego were clearly wounded, his attention was definitely refreshing. To wake up with a text from him wishing her a good day, how he would end most of his messages, as short as they were by calling her beautiful…

It was just nice and what could she say? Interacting with him made her realize that he was nothing like she always imagined him, and that if he was actually the man-whore everyone saw him as, then he was a very smooth one.

She knew because even though he made his interest known, he wasn't hassling her or trying to push too hard like the men Cruella used to talk her about, the ones who quickly asked for nudes or sent dick pics; no, Killian wasn't doing any of that, he was just being nice and that made her feel extremely good.

Now… would it be rushed getting in bed with him? Hell yes. Would she be using him? Most definitely. But she just needed to try and see if having someone actually want her as a woman, if someone making her feel desired could help her crawl out of the deep hole Robin left her to rot and who better than this man who was clearly into her?

He knew her story… and he knew she wasn't over Robin so it wasn't like she was leading him on so yeah, why the hell shouldn't she do this thing?

For all she knew, Robin was doing the same on his nights off and she didn't want to be the idiot staying home crying for him when he just didn't give a damn about her.

So yeah, she needed to move on or else she was going to go crazy and she was going to start that night.

It was actually the perfect occasion to do it; she was feeling good, unlike last time when she ended up crying because her husband left her, and she was in great company.

The music was also perfect and even better, she was looking damn good; her hair was set, her make-up on point and the dress she decided to wear for the night was making her feel like she was on top of the world…

True, the fact that her brain was swimming in alcohol was helping her feel that level of good but whatever, she was sure as hell going to enjoy her night out.

It has been a while since she got to enjoy herself so much and she wasn't going to ruin it.

Biting on her lips, the dark-haired woman put the empty glass she had on her hand over the table in front of her and took a look around. They were in a club, and right in that moment there was only Killian sitting to her left and Cruella all over her date for the night to her right. There was also Ursula in the dance floor, and she could see her from there, but the rest of the group was nowhere to be found.

"Do you want another one of those?"

Killian asked in her ear and turning his way, Regina wrinkled her nose as she looked at him.

He was smiling at her and unable to help it, she smiled back, thinking that he wasn't a bad looking man… even if his eyes were the wrong shade of blue and he lacked the dimple smile that constantly tormented her thoughts.

He had other attributes though… he smelled nice… not like Robin nice but enough to allure her senses, he was tall and he had that accent that would charm any woman…

Too bad he didn't have the same fullness on his arms that she loved on Robin's or that mischievous smirk her husband used to flash her way when he looked at her... but he wasn't actually bad… she guessed.

"No, I'm okay. I actually think I had too many of those." She replied in an unusual giggle, leaning a bit closer into him so that her voice could be heard over the blast of the music.

"Alright, no more drinking then." He said, his eyes intently focused on hers.

Blinking slowly, Regina decided once again that yes, he was interested… he hasn't been able to take his eyes away from her and when he took her to dance earlier on, he hasn't been able to put too much distance between them either.

Yeah, he never touched her inappropriately or anything of the like, but now that she has made up her mind about having sex with him, she wished he would do something.

She was there after all for him to claim and couldn't he see in her eyes that she would let him do anything he wanted?

Robin wouldn't have let an opportunity like that pass him by because he would have read her eyes long ago.

She remembered the first time they met and how when they were introduced, she couldn't keep her eyes away from his. Later after they started dating, he admitted that he has been half intimidated by her but he still took that first step of approaching her when he found her momentarily alone just because he thought he recognized the glint on her eye as interest and he wanted to confirm it.

He has been right, and ever since she could say that the man could read her like no one else.

But this Killian… well, she was leaning into him in such a way that she was just a few inches from him and one would say that his finger ghosting along the outline of her naked shoulder as his arm rested on the back of her chair was him testing the waters, but no…

He wasn't, and wanting to be done with the whole thing already so that she could see if it worked or not, Regina tilted her face to his and as if it was the most natural thing in the world, she kissed him.

Now, she didn't know if the expectation has been high… or if maybe she has done this way too clumsily, but the truth was that the feeling of her lips on his as his hand immediately cradled the back of her head to keep her close provoked nothing in her.

Not the tingling all over her skin Robin definitely managed to make her feel with their first kiss and not that sensation of falling into the abys swallowing her whole… it was just… like kissing a wall.

Instead of being upset about what appeared to be a failed mission, Regina pressed harder against him, trying to force herself to feel it…

But when she still felt nothing, she got mad… well, more than mad she was fuming, because it wasn't fair that she couldn't move on from a man that no longer wanted her by being with someone that definitely did.

It was as if destiny wanted her to be forever wounded up about Robin and no, that couldn't be it. This couldn't be her life.

Pulling away when she sensed Killian's intention of deepening the kiss, Regina licked her lips and forced a smile. It probably came out as a grimace and that right there was another one on Robin's name.

Scoffing bitterly because Robin apparently wouldn't even let her get laid in peace, Regina cleared her throat and reaching for Killian's drink, she swallowed it down in one gulp.

"I'm going to the ladies; I'll be right back."

Quirking his lips, Killian nodded, but she could see in his face that he knew she wasn't going to come back; and she wasn't, she was going to quietly slip out of the club, call an Uber and just go home to think of another way to tear the memory of her husband out of her head.

She needed to re-think… to figure out how to do this, because she definitely couldn't keep like she was.

It was as she opened the door and got out, grabbing her phone to call the Uber that she noticed the two unread WhatsApp messages she had from Robin.

They were just there, flashing on her screen almost mockingly, as if they knew what she almost did back there…

They were almost reproachful.

Sucking in a breath and feeling as if she was about to throw up her heart, Regina bit hard on her lips and opened the app, hoping to read a message of her husband asking her to come home instead of one of him calling her out on her nonsense.

Because really, what if he saw Cruella's posts like the other night? Because the woman had taken and uploaded more than five Instagram pictures already. Or what if somebody informed him of how his still wife has been spotted dancing and yes, kissing the man he exclusively asked her not to get involved with?

In the best-case scenario, that could have made him finally open his eyes for good about what he was letting go and in that case, she was so ready for it.

But… it wasn't quite that though… as the message has been actually sent several hours ago and it was just a selfie Roland obviously took of himself and then a voice message from the boy, one that he probably sent without Robin being aware.

It wouldn't be the first time Roland did something like that, and even though an entire warmness spread over her chest when she heard her firstborn saying that he missed her and wanted to see her, she couldn't help but to be somehow disappointed.

Breathing into the night air and closing her eyes for a few seconds, Regina tried not to get even more mad. She did, but this time she didn't know who she was madder at, Robin or herself for being so stupid.

The answer to that apparently came on its own because when she set for the Uber to pick her up, she put the drop off point to be Little John's house, place where she knew Robin was staying.

She did it on a drunken impulse, and it was only when she arrived and saw that all the lights were out that she realized how late it was. Almost two in the morning.

Still, she pursed her lips and called him, letting it ring a couple of times before he finally picked up.

"Hello?" He answered before clearing his throat, probably meaning to get rid of his raspy tone.

"Can you come to the door? I need to talk to you." She said in her infamous neutral tone, even when her tongue was feeling kind of heavy.

After her words were out, she heard him sigh, but she didn't give him time to refuse before hanging up; then, putting the phone in her purse she tried to fix her hair and smooth the fabric of her dress.

The door opened after a few minutes' worth of wait, almost enough to make her feel like she was going to freeze. Somehow, she forgot to pick her coat from the club as she forgot to let her friends know she was going to leave…

All that slipped from her mind though, and as soon as she saw him appear behind the door, all she could think was on how good he looked with his hair tousled, his feet bare and his eyes bright with that shine that would take hold of his stare whenever he was sleepy.

Maybe it was the alcohol speaking, or maybe it was the fact that she hadn't seen him face to face since the night he left her house almost two weeks ago, but he really, really looked good.

There was no ground of comparison and she would take on this man dressed in grey sweatpants and a plain t-shirt than on ten Killian Jones dressed on his best clothes.

Now… if only he could have the same interest in her.

"Regina… what… it's late, what are you doing here?"

Sucking in a deep breath and then letting it blow out of her mouth, the dark-haired woman ran a hand through her hair. "I… want to see my son, he sent me a message and I want to check on him."

At her more than petulant tone, Robin eyed her down suspiciously, but as he did that, she couldn't help but to notice the way he arched an eyebrow as he took in her appearances.

Yes, she knew what he was thinking and she could even hear his mind rolling. She was after all in a new dress and in what he liked to call a pair of 'fuck me heels' and that was not something people casually wore to check their kids at two in the morning.

"I'm freezing." She added, and as if shaking himself out of a trance, he moved out of the way and motioned her to come in.

Folding her arms to her chest, Regina walked in, and when he closed the door she actually didn't know what to say.

Robin… it has been a while since they talked, because in her mission to get over him, she has decided to let her best friend be the intermediary between them. Meaning, that ever since that fateful night when he kissed her and then left her hanging, Mary Margaret has been the one picking or delivering Roland to back and forth.

"Where is he?" She asked, her back to him, but she already had an idea.

She has been at Little John's house before and she knew where his guess' bedroom was.

"Upstairs."

Trying to act as if she was a hundred percent sober, Regina lifted her chin and made it upstairs, her legs as firm as she could make them go taking her to her son.

She found him peacefully sleeping in the middle of the bed and judging by how the blankets and pillows were arranged, she could tell Robin has been sleeping with him there.

"He's been out for a while."

Sitting on the bed and ignoring how it was still warm were Robin has been sleeping, Regina leaned forward and kissed Roland. First on his cheek, then on his forehead and a last one into his hair.

Then she just watched him, her fingers running through his curls as she wished she could cuddle with him and go to sleep.

"Why are you here, Regina, really?"

Rolling her eyes at how he always soured the mood, she gave one last look at Roland before getting to her feet.

Robin was by the door, arms crossed against his chest and his stare set on her.

In the chiaroscuro taking over, his eyes looked almost black and the outline of his jaw seemed too severe, and if anything, the fact that her late visit seemed to annoy him made her feel her anger at him starting to boil again.

"I told you, I wanted to see my son… and since he apparently wanted to see me, I stopped by." Her eyebrow rose and her lips curled.

Probably mimicking her attitude, Robin furrowed his brow and when he spoke, there was an edge to his tone.

"You probably should have stopped by when he was actually awake; but you were apparently too busy."

Oh, the asshole…

Using her tongue to push hard against the inside of her teeth, Regina smirked. "I'm never too busy for my son, and given the fact that you only take him on odd weekends is enough proof of that."

"That's not fair, you know I would gladly take him more often if it wasn't because of my job…" He began to say, but before he could go on, she cut him up.

"Same excuse as always, but you know what? Now that I'm here, let me tell you that I'm taking Roland with me to New York for a few weeks so hey, now you can dedicate all of your time to what's clearly important to you, that stupid control tower."

And yes, just like she knew it would happen, Robin's arms fell and his mouth hung open in a silent protest.

He wasn't expecting that one… and neither did her because she had no plans of such a thing. She just said it to bother him, to rile him up.

"You can't do that…"

"Of course I can. He's my son and he goes where I go."

"Well he's my son too and there's not a valid reason for you to take him away." He hissed, his jaw tensing and his eyes blazing. "Regina… you said, that you were not going to take him away from me… so don't."

At his broken tone, her resolution to rile him up crumbled to her feet and she actually had to close her eyes and grab at her hair to gain a little bit of composure.

Yes, saying that has been a cheap shot and she shouldn't have done that… she shouldn't have gone there either…

"Let's talk this out downstairs. I don't want to wake him up."

Opening her eyes and taking in a deep breath, she followed him down to the family room; once there, she rested her back to the wall opposite to the TV while he sat down on the sofa.

"Why would you want to go to New York?" He asked, a bit more composed and not really knowing what to say, she shrugged.

She didn't really have plans of going back there; she closed that chapter of her life the moment she decided to move in with him to Los Angeles… but now that the thought was there, she didn't think it was such a bad idea to spend a few days home.

"I don't know… I probably need to clear my mind and I can't do it here, Robin… I can't."

And really, being there, in their house and surrounded by everything that reminded her of him was going to slowly kill her.

Yes, she has been doing better… but that was by force of will and not because she was moving on… and maybe for her to do that, what she needed was to create some distance and detach herself from all the unnecessary things that constantly reminded her of him.

"It will be just a few days, a week at the most."

Robin leaned forward on the sofa, both his hands pressing to his face for a moment. "Can you assure me that you two will come back."

She nodded, her eyes blinking a few times before adding. "I think that it will be better if when I come back, I move out of the house… you can have it back and Roland and I will settle somewhere else."

"No." He said firmly, apparently not wanting to discuss that subject again.

"I don't want the house."

"It's yours and Roland's."

"It is not." She hissed and why did she decide to have this conversation when drunk? She could feel her eyes watering already and she didn't want to be emotional in that moment. "It's your house, it was yours before I came along and it's not fair that I get to keep it while you sleep in the guess room of someone else's place."

Dragging his hands down to his chin, Robin looked at her. "I won't be here forever; I'm already looking for apartments in the area. As for the house? You get to keep it because you are my wife."

At that, she laughed drily. "Am I?"

His jaw tensed and he had the decency to look down when he answered. "Legally, yes."

His eyes were on her soon after he said that and clenching her own jaw, Regina made her face turn into a stoic mask.

"Then that's another thing we need to fix. There's no need to have this legal bond between us any longer."

Now, if there was a thing Regina never imagined, it was that it was going to be her the one who first spoke of divorce, but if she really wanted to start moving on, then all the necessary steps needed to be taken.

Blowing out a breath, Robin lowered his eyes back down and his fingers moved to scratch furiously down his cheek. "Wow."

What followed was a very uncomfortable silence, one that neither seemed eager to break. But he did… after what felt like an eternity.

"If that's what you want then we'll look at it."

Widening her eyes, she scoffed. "You think this is really what I want?"

Robin shrugged. "How would I know? It's not like you ever told me what you wanted… I mean you were crystal clear on what you _didn't_ want, but that was it."

Regina gasped, shocked, and yes, just as she knew he hated, she cussed. "You know what, Robin? Fuck you. You can't sit there and look at me in the eye and tell me you never knew what I wanted because I fucking let you know. You were the one that left and then when I asked you to stay you left too, so don't you dare say I never told you."

"No, you never told me that you wanted me to stay; the way I see it you couldn't wait to see me walk out of that house."

Her jaw literally hung open at his words. How could he say that?

"When Roland hurt himself and you were at the house, I literally asked you to stay."

"No Regina, all you asked me was to have sex with you and quite honestly, that would have made everything worse." He got up and walked to her, stopping a feet away from her. "Let's say I caved in, then what? After everything would be done you would have found a new reason to be mad at me and we would have ended up arguing all over again and then what? We can't solve all of our problems with sex."

"Well we can't solve them like this either!" Her voice rose and when she realized it, she scoffed, pressing a closed fist to her forehead. "We solve them by talking."

"You're right… you want to talk then let's talk, honestly. I'll start by asking you this; you say you asked me to stay, why would you do that?"

Her eyes danced over his face and her expression dropped. She could tell him so many things, but at the end they all came down to one simple truth.

"Because I love you."

Robin breathed in, the fire in his eyes lowering so that he could look at her with something resembling love.

"Did you really stopped… loving me?" Her voice trembled, but she needed to know… whatever the answer was.

Chewing on his lips, Robin shook his head. "Of course I didn't stop… Regina."

Feeling like she was able to breathe again, she chocked on a sob. "Then what the hell is this? Why aren't we trying to fix this."

Lifting his hands in the air and then dropping them to his sides, Robin swallowed hard. "Because sometimes love isn't enough. Just look at how we were living, we were barely getting along and… let's face it, this that you are trying to cling to is not necessarily love, it's force of habit. You got so used to me that at the end you are just struggling to let go."

Refusing to believe that, she shook her head no. She was crying by then, feeling desperste, and she hated herself for it. "That's not true."

He smiled sadly. "I'm not what you really want, I don't think you even realize it but I'm really not. You can be and do anything you want to without me getting in your way. You deserve better."

Thinking that she was the drunk one but that he was the one talking nonsense, she wiped at her tears. Maybe she needed to be sober to understand his logic, because right then that sounded like complete bullshit, especially the last part.

That's why she lifted her face to him and sucked in a deep breath. "You said we were going to talk honestly, so let's stop with the bullshit. You say I deserve better, is that because you already found something better? Is there is someone else and please don't lie to me."

"There's no one else."

Not convinced, she pressed on. "Was there ever someone else?"

Apparently hitting the nail on the head, she saw as Robin dragged a hand through his hair and looked away and her world stilled in that moment. "I never cheated on you…"

"But…"

Fixing his eyes on hers, he blinked a couple of times. "I could have done it… I even considered it."

If her world stilled a moment ago, it now moved underneath her feet and she had to push herself against the wall not to fall down. Her mind started to roll now and she tried to pin point when this could have happened.

"I didn't though, I swear it on my son's name that I didn't. But still… that I even considered it is bad enough to assure you that you deserve better than me."

Focusing her teary eyes on an undefined spot behind him, Regina grinded her teeth.

"When was this?"

"At the end of last year."

She nodded, because the last half of the previous year has been extremely hard for them. They were constantly fighting over the most ridiculous things and yes, most of those fights were started by her.

She has been just so stressed with work and taking care of Roland that she would snap at basically nothing. She was resentful of his ten hours a day shifts, she was mad at their mixed schedules and yeah, in a way she was bitter that he didn't seem to see why she was so tense.

She did remember though how they always ended up making up with an amazing sex session and in her mind that made it right.

"You still talk to her?" She knew it wasn't the Mulan one because she actually asked Mary Margaret and the woman was apparently Ruby's girlfriend, so there was apparently nothing to worry there.

"No, we never talked much anyway. I just… I was told she was interested and well… I considered things but nothing ever happened."

"Why not? I mean you could have easily done it."

"I didn't… because she wasn't you. I don't mean to justify it, I know there is no excuse, but I got momentarily blinded by the idea… Regina, you barely spoke to me save to argue or to have sex so I was sure you were trying to break it off with me and I don't l know, my mind got messed up. But at the end I knew that you were the only one that I wanted… even if I fucked it up. But how we were living, that wasn't healthy."

As soon as he finished talking, Regina bit on her lips. "I kissed Killian." She watched as his face dropped and how he drew in a shaky breath. "And I kissed him because I wanted to have sex with him. I got this new dress and trust me, a ridiculously expensive set of underwear for it, and I went ahead and kissed him."

"I don't want to hear it."

Not minding his words, she went on, her lips even curving maliciously. "And you know why I did it, because my husband, the man who promised to be with me through thick and thin made me feel so fucking worthless that I had to go and find someone who made me feel appreciated. Is that… what I did to you?"

She let the question there, her eyes taking on the way one of his hands went up to his face, his fingers pressing hard into his close eyelids.

"Just tell me, is that how I made you feel?"

Ignoring her question, he threw one of his own. "Did you sleep sex with him?"

Once that was out there, he dropped his hand from his face to reveal his teary eyes and watching him like that made her wonder how they messed everything up.

"I couldn't… because he wasn't you, I tried and look where I ended, in here. I know you say I deserve better, but Robin… what I want is to be with you, to fix this… please let me fix this."

Unable to help it, she begged him, and she wasn't sure if it was the alcohol talking or her desperation, but when he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around her, she couldn't help but to start crying, clinging to him as if her life depended on it.

"I'm sorry." She said into the crook of his neck and he hushed her.

"It's okay." He kissed her temple and then her wet cheeks. "It's okay. But… I think this is something we should talk about when you're sober and you mean what you say."

"I mean it now." She said, hugging him tighter.

"Maybe, you're still drunk though and if there's something I've learn is never to take for granted the things you say when drunk. Now come on."

With that statement, Robin pulled away from her, and when she looked at him, she saw that his eyes were still moist.

That right there made her feel like reaching for him… instead, blinking her own tears away, she followed him out of the family room.

Now, as she walked behind him, she was sure he was going to call her an Uber and send her home, but instead, he guided her upstairs again.

Once up there, they got into his room and before she could ask why, he closed the door; all that right before he made her take off her dress and get into one of his shirts.

It felt familiar, it felt right… especially when they climbed in bed, Regina snuggling with Roland while Robin hugged her from behind.

That way, between the two loves of her life, she fell asleep, hoping that they could really fix this as soon as possible.


	5. Chapter 5

There was something poking hard into her cheek… something sharp and annoyingly insistent.

That right there was the first clear thought to come into Regina's mind as she slowly started to crawl out of the deep slumber she has been submerged into, that and that she was too tired to care.

Now, she wouldn't know how to explain it, but even though she felt in her body that she has been in bed for quite some time, she was still feeling ridiculously sleepy so she tried to ignore this poking sensation, tried to cling to the last vestiges of sleep still left in her as if her life depended on it. But the thing was that the tighter she would shut her eyes and the harder she tried to fall back asleep, the more insistent it became…

"Mommy… mom, you still sleeping?"

Recognizing the sound her son's voice whispering in her ear and definitely catching the inexplicable joy that characterized him in the mornings, Regina's arm blindly searched for him and tried to pull him against her; her intentions cuddling with the boy in hopes that he would get to sleep a bit more before they would have to start their morning routine.

"Come sleep with me."

"No Mommy." Roland complained in a giggle, still, Regina only responded by burying her nose into his hair as she sighed deeply. "Wakey-wakey. The sun is out so no more sleeping."

"No it's not out yet, baby. Let's sleep a bit more." She mumbled, but not giving her time to pull him closer, Roland slipped from her arms and apparently out of bed.

"No, I want with daddy." After the announcement, the brunette heard her son's small bare feet running away and sensing something was quite odd about that statement but not quite picking on it, she frowned; her nose scrunching and her brain starting to kick off so that it could function a bit more properly.

"Roland… come here with me." There was no answer to her call so blinking her eyes open, Regina tried to force the warm chocolate brown orbs to focus in the poor lighted room.

It was a struggle, her vision was blurry and fuzzy and as she stared through heavy eyelids at the door Roland left open after running out, the notion came to her that her head was slightly throbbing.

Yes, it was a dull one, but there was definitely the beginning of a headache brewing inside her skull… or more like the feeling that there was someone playing a slow but steady drum melody inside her head.

It was nothing that some aspirin and a huge mug of coffee couldn't handle, true… but it was still a bothersome feeling.

"You don't hear me calling, mamma?"

Mumbling a few incoherencies under her breath about needing five more minutes, Regina closed her eyes back again and dragged the heavy comforter over her head, drowning out of her sight anything but pure darkness.

Now, down beneath the covers, the dark-haired woman found comfort, and even when she knew she had to, she just didn't want to get out of bed yet. If it wasn't because Roland was up, she would lay there all day long and consider it a good day.

Musing about that she kind of dozed off… her mind going completely blank. It was only for a second though, because out of nowhere Roland yelled and startled her back awake.

"Mom! Daddy made pancakes, come."

Immediately opening her eyes when the implications of Roland's words fully registered in her brain, Regina felt her chest tighten and her breath catch in her throat, because from a state of being in that limbo between not being awake but not asleep either, she was now suddenly aware of everything…

She wasn't home… no, actually, after having a little too much too drink the night before and yes, after a botched attempt to have a one night stand with Killian Jones, she somehow ended up making her way to Robin's… and not only did she confess her failed attempt at hooking up with a mutual, but she also cried in front of him and even asked the man to give her another chance.

"Oh my God, oh my God." She groaned almost in a panic as she threw the covers away from her body so that she could sit by the corner of the bed.

Yes, it all came back to her and now she clearly remembered how in a drunken stupor she made a few bad decisions; not only with Killian, but with Robin as well…

_Especially_ with Robin.

Slapping a hand to her forehead, Regina closed her eyes because Gosh, she basically came crawling to him all sad and pathetic, begging… even after his confession about how he has considered cheating on her, she freaking begged him to take her back.

She couldn't believe she did that, that she sunk so low…

"Roland, I told you to leave your mother alone."

Lifting her chin up at the sound of her husband's smooth accent, Regina opened her eyes as wide as they would go, watching as Robin made an appearance.

She saw him as if she was in a trance, walking towards their son on bare feet while still wearing the grey sweatpants he was using the night before. He didn't look quite as sleepy though, but judging by the serious expression on his face, she was going to take he still wasn't too happy about how she ended up there.

"I did not wake her." Roland was quick to say on his defense.

"You sure about that?" Robin added, then he walked the door and after sending her way a passing glance, he closed it.

Regina barely had time to listen to her son answer before the sound was cut off and she was left alone in Robin's new bedroom… the division the wooden door created between them telling her all she needed to know.

It has been a mistake going there.

Swallowing on dry as her mind started to race and her heart began to riot, Regina dragged her hand down to her mouth, letting it rest there as she blew out a defeated breath.

So it was like that, apparently not having an ounce of self-esteem she begged him, and by the way things looked in that moment it has all been nothing because of all the things she was now remembering, a reconciliation was not one of them. Sure, they went to bed together and she fell asleep with the heat of his body surrounding her… but that she woke up with him gone and that indifferent look he sent her way was not a good sign like at all.

Shaking her head as the familiar empty feeling of defeat that has been making a prisoner out of her ever since the day Robin left their home spread from her chest and extended all over her body, Regina got to her feet and made it into the bathroom that connected with the room.

Once there, she stood in front of the mirror and took a scrutinizing look at her reflection.

She looked awful. Her hair was all tousled, her eyes were heavy and casted down and the fact that she has cried so much the night before and then went to sleep with her face full of makeup wasn't doing her any favors. No, her lipstick has long faded, her eyeliner was nothing but the smokey reflection of what it used to be and her waterproof mascara simply refused to be gone, making the contrast of her dark eyelashes with the paleness of her face stand out.

"Jesus Christ Regina." She mumbled, opening the faucet and using the running water to fix herself as best as she could.

After that she did what she could by brushing her teeth without an actual toothbrush and did the rest of her bathroom business; including a quick shower even though she didn't have clean clothes to change into because yes, maybe she would have to shamefully walk out of that house slightly hungover, with her pride wounded and wearing the same dress she had the night before, but she'll be damned if she did that looking and feeling like a damn mess.

When all that was done, she sat back over the bed, one of Robin's shirts covering her frame as she held the dress in her hands. She did that for a while, trying to gather the courage to just walk out… because down there she didn't just have to face Robin, but probably Little John as well.

It was as she mused about that and while she wondered where was her phone, that the door opened back again and in walked Roland, dragging his feet in her direction until he ended up in her arms. "Hey, what's with the long face?"

Apparently not so joyful as he has been earlier on, the boy sighed dramatically. "Daddy says I have to say goodbye to you."

Chewing on her lips, Regina nodded. Of course Robin was using their child to kick her out, she thought bitterly. But it was her own damn fault for putting everyone in such an uncomfortable situation so kissing Roland's head, she cleared her throat and forced her voice to come out even and soothing. "Yeah, I have to go back home so give me a big hug."

"You leaving too?" Roland asked as he hugged his mother. "I wanna stay with you and daddy but Uncle John says we have to go and be somewhere else."

Regina frowned at that, but before she was able to ask Roland to explain himself, she was crudely interrupted by the sight of Robin standing under the door frame, a cup of coffee in one hand and his head slightly tilted sideways. "If you don't hurry Little John will leave without you, come on."

Giving Regina a sloppy-hurried kiss, Roland giggled and despite saying a minute ago how he wanted to stay, he happily ran out the door and apparently towards his favorite uncle.

Robin followed him, but not before briefly stepping into his bedroom to put the coffee over the bedside table and then making a motion with his hand indicating Regina to stay there.

Suddenly feeling like her heart was beating so hard it could fracture her ribcage, Regina tried to calm herself down… first by taking a long gulp of coffee and then by running her fingers compulsively through her recently brushed hair. When that did nothing she started wondering if she should stay dressed in Robin's hoodie or if she should put the dress back on, just in case he wanted her out of the house as soon as possible.

She opted for getting dressed, but just as she was getting up to her feet so that she could change, her husband walked back into the room; closing the door behind him and resting his back against it.

He said nothing though, and feeling overly exposed and antsy under his stare, Regina dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands and blurted out the first thing to come into her mind.

"I can't find my phone." And really, what else could she say? She already put out there what she felt and how much she wanted them to work things out so there was no point in being repetitive.

The ball was in his court now, and she was not going to keep making a fool out of herself by asking him again to give her another chance.

"Yeah…" He began to say while pushing himself away from the door so that he could walk towards the opposite side of his room.

Once there he reached for his dresser and grabbed her phone from where it has been laying by the TV remote.

"It was ringing nonstop while you slept. I had to answer at one point because well, the sound was about to wake Roland up and because it was Mal and she was being insistent; but you might want to check the rest of the calls out."

Taking a hold of her iPhone as Robin handed it over, Regina chuckled dryly. "You picked one of Mal's calls? Oh she is going to kill me." She thought out loud as she checked her missed calls.

There were indeed quite a few of them. Five from Mal, seven from Cruella and yes, one from Killian. The man's came right before the one Robin answered and at the realization that he probably saw that one as well, the brunette just sucked her lips into her mouth and lowered her eyes down.

"I gathered your friends were worried if they were all calling so much. Sorry if I overstepped."

Humming and taking notice that on top of it all the call from her friend ran for a little over eleven minutes, Regina shut her eyes and ran a hand through her hair, cringing just with the thought of her best friend and her estranged husband having a phone conversation that lasted so long as she lay drunk in his bed.

Just the year before this wouldn't have bothered her, after all, those two teaming together to rile her up was their thing and she used to find it endearing how well they got along; but since she and Robin started to drift apart, that dynamic dried up and if anything, she could see Mal giving Robin one hell of a speech for putting her through so much as of late.

"It's okay… I just… I'll call them later and apologize for making them worry." She left the words there, allowing her eyes to venture up into the full intensity of his gaze. "Was Mal too intense?"

It was just for a couple of seconds, but at the question, the blue-eyed man flashed her way one of his infamous dimple smiles while running a hand over the stubble on his jaw. Then he was back at being serious, his eyes indecipherable.

"She pretty much tore me a new one, so yeah. Can't say I expected anything else from her."

Nodding because that was just the way her friend was and yes, because she just knew she was going to have Mal chew her ear off as well as she went on and on about how she stupidly walked out of that club so that she could go to Robin, drunk, Regina drew in a deep breath.

"I would apologize on her behalf but you know how she is. I'll get a piece of her mind as soon as I talk to her so yeah… I get you. I don't think she's too happy that I ended up here…"

"She wasn't happy."

Regina shrugged, not surprised by the revelation. "She's my best friend; she just doesn't want me to do anything too stupid… which I did. I shouldn't have come here the way I did."

Sure, in a way it was good that she was able to get things off her chest and she guessed it couldn't be too bad that they came clean with one another about what they were going through, but coming drunk hasn't exactly been her smoothest move.

She should have done it in a more civilized manner, with less tears, obviously…

But she didn't, and now as a direct consequence of her acts, Robin's mouth twisted as she said what she said, his eyes settling on a spot right on the opposite wall of him. "Then why did you come?"

Narrowing her eyes because she was sure she made her reasons pretty clear the night before, Regina pushed the inside of her cheek with the tip of her tongue.

Besides, didn't he get when she said she shouldn't have come the_ way she did _and not that she regretted going per se? No… he probably didn't put attention to that and since she hated repeating herself and he knew this… she decided to answer the way she did. "I don't know."

Pinching his bottom lip between his thumb and his forefinger, Robin hummed. "That's not an answer, Regina."

Recognizing in his condescending tone how this could quickly escalate into an argument, Regina huffed.

She couldn't do this now… really, her head was throbbing, her nerves were on edge and she wasn't sure if she has completely kicked off all the alcohol in her system yet.

"I don't know what else you want me to say." She lifted her shoulders, and when she let them drop back in place, she just stared at him.

He couldn't be expecting her to do a repeat of the night before, right?

Shaking his head as if he couldn't believe her, Robin snorted, pinning her with his blue stare until she felt like looking away.

She didn't, and neither did he.

"Given the fact that I'm using the very limited time I get to spend with my son so that I could have this talk with you, I sure as hell expected you to give me more than an 'I don't know'. You were the one who came here wanting to talk so talk."

Feeling her short temper starting to tingle, she snorted. "Yes, it was me the one who came and I told you already why was that."

"You did a lot of drunk-talking."

Throwing her hands up in the air and letting out an unamused chuckle, Regina snarled her lips. "Oh come on, you say that as if I came here completely plastered. I wasn't that drunk you know, and you know I meant everything that I said."

"Yeah, and what part was that exactly? When you asked for a divorce, when you told me you wanted to take Roland to New York or when you told me to fuck off? Oh wait, it could be all about when you told me you were this close to fucking Killian."

Regina literally cringed at his words, because of all the things she said, of course the ones he chose to focus on were the bad ones…

Not like it surprised her. Robin had after all the uncanny ability to pick up the worse in her to throw it in her face so of course he did it this time.

Maybe he was right, maybe love wasn't enough to prevent them from tearing each other apart and this separation was the right path for them to take.

Still, instead of letting it rest there, she kept pushing. That has always been her problem, she just didn't know when to shut up.

"Actually, I meant the part when I told you I wanted to fix things but hey, my bad, you probably didn't pick on that one as it came right after you finally had the guts to confessed how you left me for another woman."

He guffawed at that, literally, and as Regina stared at him in disbelief, he ran both hands through his hair. "I never confessed to such a thing, because that's not what happened. I was never with another woman…"

"But you wanted to!" She yelled at him, her temper finally getting the best of her. "You came to me night after night, wishing I was someone else and don't you dare deny it because you told me. See, I wasn't that drunk as to forget that part."

He walked to her, his eyes dark and wild and for a second, she wondered how it all blew out of control. She was about to ask him that, to take a step back and ask him… but before she could even open her mouth, he pressed a finger to her temple and scoffed.

"As always, using that selective memory of yours. Yes, I said that I considered it in a moment where my mind wasn't in the right place; but I also said I didn't carry on with it. Did you forget about that? Or how I said that I didn't even play with the idea that long because I respected you and loved you too much to do something like that, and that if I kept going home at all it was because _you_ were the only one I really wanted?"

"Oh yeah, you said that… of course the mighty Robin came back home every single night. Still, you seem to forget that I was there every time you came back home and thanks to your confession, I know you did that only out of duty. You resented me for it, Robin, because you sure as hell didn't come home trying to make us work."

"It wasn't out of duty! Yes, it made me feel like shit to even consider the idea of someone else… and yeah, maybe guilt made me drift farther away… but we were messed up way before that and you know it. If anything, you were the one resenting me for walking every single night through our door."

Slapping his finger away from her face, Regina rose on her tiptoes so that she could be eye to eye with him. "Yeah, we were not exactly in a good place, but I never… not even once considered cheating on you, never. That one is entirely on you."

Refusing to tear his eyes from her, Robin used the tip of his tongue to moisten his lips. "No, you didn't. You just waited until I was out the door to go running after another man. How long did it take, Regina? Because I've barely been gone a month and you're already kissing and buying underwear to go fuck another man, and not any man, but one I was friends with."

Feeling her anger invade every cell of her body, Regina pressed her hands hard against his chest and shoved him back. He barely moved, as he was a solid frame just standing there and at her impotence of releasing her pent-up anger the way she wanted, she groaned.

"You know what? Fuck you."

"Yeah, very mature of you. Great talk by the way."

Swallowing on dry, Regina smiled cynically. It made her cheeks hurt with the effort, but the distraction was good to prevent her eyes from leaking like they did the night before.

"Maybe, but we can't all be perfect like you. Yes, you're right that I went to Killian…" She pushed him, once again to no avail. "But I didn't do anything, and maybe I wouldn't have gone to him in the first place if you wouldn't have walked out on me the way you did. But you… you left me, Robin! You didn't give a rat's ass about how I felt for you and you left me… you didn't even care!"

Robin was angry, she could see it in his eyes, on his tense shoulders and his clenched jaw and she was glad, because she was so pissed off that she even chocked on her words and so mad that her eyes were clouded with both tears and a frustration and she wanted him to feel the same.

She wanted him to hurt and to react.

"You think I didn't care? Really? You really think leaving my family and my house was easy for me? Because it wasn't. For Christ's Sake Regina you really think… that listening how you turned to another man isn't killing me or that I don't feel this… dreadful sense of emptiness settle deep in my chest every time Roland asks me why I don't want to live with you anymore?"

Regina didn't know how or when it happened, but her breathing was coming up short and shaky and she was sure she was on the verge of throwing herself to him and maybe let go of all the feelings stuck in her chest… but instead, she snarled her lips and fixed him with a hard glare.

"If you really care, if it really bothers you what I almost did with Killian, then you would do something about it other than just turn your back on everything while hiding here."

"Yeah? And what would that be?" He hissed, taking a few steps forward. He only stopped when he was invading her personal space, his face so close she had to throw her head a little to create some distance. "You want me to take your route and try to fuck my way around this?"

Feeling the sting of his words, Regina lifted her chin and pursed her lips. "Well..." She hissed back, her eyes hard on him. "You almost did it too. Isn't that how this is all started to go to hell? So why don't you just man-up and…"

Before she could finish talking, Robin grabbed hard on the back of her head and crushed his mouth to hers. He did it almost punishingly, his fingers digging into her hair and as he did it, the notion came to her that he wasn't exactly quite kissing her. No, he just let his lips press against hers for a few seconds before breaking harshly away.

"Is this what you want me to do, how you think we will solve this?"

Regina blinked a few times, quite honestly not knowing how to respond. Not that she had to, because right after his words were said he pulled her back to him and claimed her mouth again.

Now, if she had to be honest, Regina would have to admit that things were happening too fast, so fast that she didn't have time to properly react at first; but the moment his thumb moved to her chin to pull down at it, her body acted on an impulse and provided the a gap needed so that he could sneak his tongue right in.

He did, plunging in and swirling around her own tongue. It was a rough kiss, in a way invasive, harder than what she was used to and yes, she couldn't lie, it was stealing the breath right out of her lungs as her legs simply turned to rubber with the intense feeling.

It wasn't what she has been expecting out of their encounter, but now that the moment lead to it, she wanted to cling to it while it lasted.

That was how melting against his mouth as if her body was liquid lava, she ended up holding herself to him by wrapping her hands around his arms, her nails digging a little into the muscle.

If it bothered him he didn't say it, he just kissed her harder and so deep that every fiber of her body felt as it was lit on fire; she even all of a sudden started to feel dizzy.

Later on, she wouldn't know how to explain how it all happened so fast, how things took such a turn, but right in that moment all she could do was feel instead of think…

And by God, what she was feeling was simply out of this world.

That was how intense his kiss was, how much he was putting on it, his lips searching hers almost desperately and his tongue warmly intertwining with hers. All of it was sending her senses into overdrive as they explored old territory like it was their first time

It was like he wanted to absorb all of her and she was letting him, her body molding into his while his hands slid down to her thighs and then up to her ass so that he could grab a handful of her flesh.

Lost in sensation, Regina moved her hands to the back of his head, burying her fingers into his hair as he roughly pulled her closer. He wasn't exactly doing that in the most loving manner and she was sure the way he squeezed her was going to leave her skin slightly bruised.

Not that she cared… she was giving back as much as she was receiving, her teeth sinking into lips between their kissing and her own hands grabbing him hard against her.

By the time he lifted her against him, she knew how things were going to end so she wrapped her legs around him as he moved through the bedroom, and when he pinned her between a wall and his body, all she could do was moan into his mouth.

They engaged in that for a while, their hips grinding against each other so that she was feeling the hardness of him insistently pressing into her. It made her feel swollen, about to burst and the harder he pushed into her, the more she felt as if she was burning.

Things were definitely out of control and she could feel her need running through her veins, she was warm all over because of it and if she didn't have him right in that moment, she was going to go crazy.

Meaning to let him feel how much she wanted him, Regina tightened the grip of her legs on him, but then he pulled roughly apart, pressing his forehead to hers. "You see what you make me do?"

Burying her face into his neck, Regina bit hard over his pulse point, pulling at his skin between her lips and sucking on it. Maybe her ass was going to have his touch imprinted all over, but she sure as hell was going to leave her own mark on him.

"Shit, Regina." He breathed out. If it was a complain it got drowned between their ragged breathing and if he meant to end things there, it was quickly forgotten when she moved her face back to his and kissed him.

What happened after that progressed quickly; he maneuvered a way out of his pants and then without breaking from the kiss, he moved her pantie to the side. Then without too much preambles, he pushed deep into her, completely filling her and making her tremble.

The sudden invasion made Robin pause the kiss for a second and shit, the raspy moan he emitted as he sunk all the way into her heat summed up to the fullness of him into her and it all just worked sorcery on her.

It made her feel delirious, her whole body on edge as her heart beat harder than ever before. She was going to tell him… let him know how much she missed this, how much she wanted to have this forever, but once settled so deep she though she was going to break, he claimed her lips in a hungry kiss and all word was forgotten as he began to thrust into her.

As for her… she kissed him back as soon as his lips touched hers, the way her hips rolled with his letting him know that she was very much into the whole thing. In fact, she was so much into it that her blood was sizzling.

It was all too much, so trying to gather some sense into her brain, she broke from the kiss and merely allowed her mouth to press slightly against his.

That way, she could feel his ragged breathing against her face as he pushed in and then out of her, going as deep as her body allowed him to go to then retreat before repeating.

"Is this what you wanted?" He panted, his lips curling. "What you came looking for?"

Regina said nothing, she couldn't… he was going too hard at her and the sound of him slapping against her was deafening and too distracting.

It was rough, yes, and if he kept at it, she was going to end a little sore. But it was going to be a good ache though, she felt it in the way she was in the verge of finding release in the brutal coupling… hell, she was even trembling with anticipation… she wanted it… even needed it.

"Tell me."

Throwing her head back, she gasped and wrapped an arm around his neck. She didn't reply, but she pushed her hips back into him, wearing away his resolve to stay in control.

"Shit, Regina…" He began to say, he was apparently waiting for her to say something, but all she could mumble was a bunch of incoherencies.

"Ohh…Robin…oh my…" She groaned, closing her eyes.

That was where he kicked it up a notch, crushing her against him, his palms cradling her ass and pulling on her.

"Look at me" He panted, his voice so low she could almost breathe on it.

Her back arched and her lips parted, but her eyes remained closed.

"I said look at me" He growled against her lips. At his words, her eyes fluttered open and as she stared deep into his intense stare, her breath caught on her throat.

What could she say? He knew exactly how to push her buttons and he was using that knowledge against her.

They've danced this dance before so he knew how to rile her up, how to make her lose it. So yeah, she took all he had to give, as she always did, and unable to breathe, she kept looking into his eyes, getting lost into their depths.

By then, he had resumed thrusting his hips against her, setting such a furious pace that even the door creaked.

Yes, she was going to end up sore. It was insane, too much too bear but after he hit a particular spot inside of her, she still trembled against him.

"Ohhh…" She practically sobbed as she spasmed, feeling her walls contract around his hard-rock erection.

That was how close she was, and apparently wanting to drag her to the edge, he didn't slow on his pace at all. On the contrary, he went at it harder, his fingers digging into her flesh.

When she came, she did it hard, all her muscles tightening in his arms. And still, he was relentless. He didn't stop slamming into her until he himself was groaning and emptying all of what he was inside of her.

Holding onto him as her breathing started to get normalized, Regina shut her eyes close, her face hiding into the crook of his neck as he breathed so hard his chest was heaving.

He didn't say anything, but he didn't let go of her.

Now, it took her husband a while to calm down and no, she didn't know why but now that the intensity of it all started to dwindle down, she was feeling a huge desire to cry.

It was spreading from her chest and all through her body and she didn't think she would be able to hold it.

Who knew why was that? Maybe it was a way to release everything she had bottled up, maybe it was because she was now sure this was probably going to be the last time she got to hold him so close or maybe she was just still slightly hungover.

Whatever it was, it made her suck into a shaky breath and before she could hold it, she began to cry, her shoulders shaking and her heart pumping hard.

She probably surprised him, because as soon as the first sob escaped her, he pulled away and tried to look at her. She didn't let him though, her face automatically hiding behind her hands.

"Shit Regina…" He hissed, walking towards the bed and sitting over it. She came down with him, her body rocking with the force of her sobs as he ran his hands through her hair. "God… I didn't mean… I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me."

For some reason, the more he spoke the harder it was for her to calm down. All she knew was that he kept apologizing, she was not sure why but he was… almost desperately.

It was only after a couple of minutes that actually felt like an eternity that she started to calm down. By then he had already slipped out of her and she could feel herself leaking all over him; that was what made her lower her hands from her face, wiping at her face and meaning to apologize for the breakdown and the mess.

But the moment her eyes met his she was rendered speechless. Robin looked horrified, actually, he looked on the verge of tears himself and the sight shook her.

"I'm sorry, I'm really… really sorry." And just like that his face screwed and a sob rolled out of his lips. "I didn't mean to hurt you or force you like this."

Caught of guard by his words and even more by his reaction, Regina furrowed her brows, her hand reaching for his face to wipe the few tears that were running out of his eyes.

"You didn't hurt me."

"Of course I did. Fuck."

"No… no, Robin." She sniffed, leaning closer and pressing a kiss over his lips and then another one. "You didn't."

He shook his head no, but when she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, he circled her waist and crushed her to him; and as he did that, Regina wondered if they could after all find a way to fix their relationship.

Because if there was, she was going to find it…


	6. Chapter 6

Mentally exhausted and emotionally drained… beaten out of all will to keep holding on.

That right there was how Regina Mills felt in that moment, how she was coping with everything that just happened, from the moment she walked into that house to the instant she broke down and cried herself silly in Robin's arms.

Now, she wouldn't know how to explain what happened, nor would she be able to put her current feelings into words, as she wasn't even sure what those were; but it was just that for the longest of times she has been trying to keep her emotions in check in the presence of others, has been fighting hard not to let the true extent of her pain come to surface and well, now that the dam broke and she has been able to externalize some of her pent up sorrow in front of her husband, she simply felt physically and mentally worn out.

Who would have known? But apparently it was unbearably painful for the soul to suffer in silence.

She hadn't known that, and if deep in her subconscious, she simply ignored it. But now that some of the heaviness in her chest had finally dissolved just by letting it all out, she realized how tired she was of trying to be stronger that what she really was.

She was just… spent

It was demeaning, in certain way, because if there was something she has always been proud of, it was than she was the kind of person who would always come out strong when facing adversities. Yes, she could cry and break a little when she was on her own, but if she was in company, she was usually able to keep her stoic mask on.

At least if she was sober. It has always been like that for her and yes, with her mind in the right place, whatever life would throw at her face she was always able to come out standing.

Well… at least that has been before because look at her now; broken, weak… with her eyes all puffy, her eyelashes still wet and her hands shaking…

God, they were shaking so bad that she wasn't even sure what to do with them.

It was ridiculous and to a point silly, but for the last ten minutes or so she has been staring at them, her eyes intently focused on the way her fingers would move restlessly along each other, the digits tangling and then untangling as a way to keep herself from trembling.

She has been at it for a while now, enough to know that even though distracting, the way she compulsively kept clutching her own hands did nothing to appease her anxiety…

On the contrary, if anything, how her hands kept fidgeting was right down unnerving, so in dire need of another way to pass the time until Robin would come back, the brunette woman chewed hard on the inside of her cheek and took a look around the room that has been her husband's for the last several weeks.

It was a strange feeling, but for some reason she felt a deep sense of nostalgia taking over her just by being there, in his space… among his things.

The night before and even when she woke up, she didn't take the time to see what was around and what could she say? Now that her eyes were scanning her surroundings, she felt a comfortable sense of warmness settle deep in her chest.

It was just that… everything her eyes would spot screamed Robin to her and in a way that was overwhelming.

His watch, the one she gave him on their first-year anniversary and the one he would always wear lying over the night stand, his mandatory alarm clock because one, he was too old fashion to use the one in his iPhone and two, because God knew he would never wake up on his own even when his shifts started at noon...

Hell, even the things that used to drive her mad and that had even lead to numerous arguments between them seemed to warm her over; like his sneakers thrown by the door instead of in the closet, how he had a few of Roland's toys scattered in the middle of the floor and yes, the way a few of his drawers were open with his clothes spilling out.

Unable to help it, Regina sighed while shaking her head. Robin has always been messy like that and by the looks of things, he hasn't changed.

Blinking a few times, Regina got up from her spot in his bed and started to pick Roland's toys. She also fixed his drawers, closing them so that her OCD wouldn't tickle her.

"Are you really tidying up my room?"

Startled, Regina opened her eyes wide and turned her face to the door to see Robin there, standing underneath the doorframe, his hands busy with the two mugs of coffee he said he was going to get as his right shoulder rested to the door.

He was looking straight at her and she wondered for how long he has been there.

"I was, sorry." Pushing the inside of her cheek with her tongue, Regina looked down for a second, feeling a little guilty, as if she just overstepped.

"Can't say I'm surprised."

Even when she was not looking at him, the brunette could feel the intensity of his deep blue eyes burning her skin and for some reason, she momentarily thought of Mary Margaret and the time she told her that if she really loved Robin, that she should have fought for him instead of taking the easy way out.

Back then, the comment rubbed her the wrong way because nothing of her breakup with Robin has been easy; but now that she was there and after everything that happened since the previous night, she couldn't help but to agree.

She shouldn't have let it get this far… she should have bent backwards to keep her marriage afloat… and she was going to… as soon as she knew where and how to start.

"Want to sit?" He asked and when he motioned for the bed, she went there and sat, taking the coffee he gave her and taking a sip of it.

Robin put his own mug by the nightstand, apparently having no intention to drink it and not wanting the fact that she was very much drinking hers be a distraction, she put it away too.

It was as she was doing that that she felt the mattress sinking by her side and her jaw automatically tensed.

Why that happened she didn't know. Maybe it was because she could feel how he was settling by her side and for a second she expected to feel his hands crawling to her shoulders and his lips connecting to that sensitive spot below her ear that he liked to treat when he wanted her to do something.

That didn't happen of course, and when she tilted her head to the side to look at him she noticed that he was just sitting there, eyes casted down and the same worry lines on his brows he had ever since they both had too much and broke down.

It was making her chest feel tight, looking at him like that and no, she didn't like the crestfallen vibes still pouring out of him, especially since it has taken a while for her to convince him he didn't hurt her or forced her into anything.

Actually, as she looked at him now she wasn't sure if he had really convinced him.

So should she tell him again? Should she like address the whole issue once more or should she just go ahead and tell him to pick his things up because they were going home?

Before she could say any of that, Robin finally looked up and with his own puffy eyes digging into her own stare, he bit his lips.

"Regina. This… that happened here, it can't happen again."

And that was definitely not what she has been expecting him to say. It probably didn't even register yet because she wasn't feeling destroyed… or in the verge of tears, she was just… numb, confused about what he really meant.

Blinking a few times, she ran a hand through her hair and turned a little to the side so that she could face him.

He was now also facing her way so she locked eyes with him and blew out a small gasp. "I don't… what?"

And she really didn't get it. Yes, they had a really nasty argument where they both threw in each other's faces thing that should have never seen the light of day; but she thought… she really, really thought that has been just the detonating point for them to start seeing each other eye to eye again.

She wasn't proud of the argument, and the way she let him roughly fuck her against the door has been a little too much. But all of that gave way so that they could put their feelings in the open, so that they could come raw and exposed with one another. Right?

"We… _I_ got carried away and that was just not right."

Going back at clutching her hands together, the nail of her thumb harshly digging into her flesh, Regina swallowed on dry.

It was funny, but from feeling emotionally numb a second ago, her feelings were back to rioting inside of her. They were growing in her chest, expanding all over until there was no space for anything but them.

Even her heart was suffering the consequences as she could feel it shrinking.

"Being with me is not right?" She asked, wanting to know if that was what he meant to say.

Lowering his eyes, Robin grabbed for her hands, disentangling her fingers and smoothing the tension in them away; first by caressing everywhere he could touch and then by lowering down to press a kiss over them, starting on her wrist and then over her knuckles, his lips ghosting over her skin as he closed his eyes.

He didn't have to talk for her to know what was coming and she wondered if there could be a little bit of strength left in her to bear this with a stoic face.

"It wasn't right… nothing between us has been quite right for a while and you know it."

Sucking in a shaky breath, she looked up, blinking rapidly.

"If they were, you wouldn't have said you wanted to leave the house in the first place."

Snorting bitterly and feeling the first tear slide down her cheek, Regina shook her head. "So what now? Are you going to imply that this was my call? You know it wasn't like that; _you_ were the one who left, the one who acted like I was nothing but a nuisance to you and well… Robin, you couldn't have expected me to hang on just what I felt for you forever, on the scraps you gave me."

Lifting his face to hers, he looked at her through clouded eyes.

He didn't look mad, just tired… hurt, like her.

"Scraps? So that's the only thing I gave you? Really?" He hissed, lowering his voice but his eyes carrying the loud volume of how much it bothered him what she said.

"At the end yes," She answered. Not defiantly, though… just defeated.

Licking his lips and yes, still holding her hands in his, Robin scrunched his nose. "And did you ever stop to think what you were giving me?"

With her eyes dancing over his, Regina pushed her tongue against her teeth roughly. "Apparently not enough, if you had to go and look for it somewhere else."

And yeah, that did it, he let go of her hands and huffed almost angrily. "And you will throw that in my face for the rest of my life… even if I didn't do anything."

"So maybe you didn't, but the effect was the same. You completely pushed me away. You did everything in the book for me to make that decision, because when I asked you why you were still with me you told me it was just for Roland. Robin, the only thing that was left for you was to throw my things out the window and change the lock so yes, I thought the best was for me to leave."

"Oh… you're so bloody dramatic, always blowing things out of proportion." He says out loud while shaking his head. "But alright, I'm going to take the first step here and admit that yes, I fucked it up when I said that as Roland was definitely not the only reason I was there. I was there for you Regina, because I loved you. Yes, we were not going through our best moment but my feelings for you were always there. But then when I said I was leaving, you didn't say or do anything to stop me so I just gave you what you wanted."

Gasping, Regina narrowed her eyes. "So you wanted me to beg you to stay? God you're unbelievable."

"I didn't want you to beg, I was just going with what I saw and that was that you wanted me gone. You were the one eager to have me completely move out, the one establishing these so well-thoughts routines to split Roland's time and _you_ the one who first talked about divorce. You looked just… happy, content with how life was going without me. Hanging with your friends… glowing."

For a moment, she expected him to throw the thing with Killian in her face, but he didn't… thankfully. Not that the obvious way he evaded the subject made her feel less annoyed.

"Yes, so it's all on me. Sorry, Robin, my apologies because I must have imagined all the little things you did to push me away. What can I say? My dramatic ways always get the best of me and I was confused by how you ignored me and evaded me. I just couldn't see how that didn't necessarily mean you wanted to break up with me so sorry… I'm sorry that I read the signs wrong!" By then her voice was a little too high and when she realized it, she covered her face with her hands.

So there went her hopes of fixing things with him… maybe he was right and they were too messed up for that already.

So, that was it. She was really going to have to get used to the idea that she was about to live her life without Robin.

It shouldn't be such a big deal, the sun was still going to come up every morning and time would keep ticking slowly, because as incomprehensible as if sounded, nothing would suddenly stop just because she was going to be hurting like never before.

Inhaling deeply as not to burst out crying again, Regina decided to be the better person for once and take a big step here, because like Mary Margaret once told her, there was no pride that mattered when it came to love.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have yelled at you." She said in a low breath and as soon as her words were out, he reached for her hands to get them off her face.

He put them down on her lap, covering them with his much larger ones and as he did that, she could feel him getting closer. Her eyes remained closed though, so she didn't really know how close. A lot she would say…

"Sorry I didn't handle this better as well." He whispered as he rested his forehead against hers. "But God, Regina… it's just that you get me so frustrated that I get mad. I swear sometimes I just want to shake you very hard and put some sense into that thick skull of yours."

Wrinkling her nose and taking in a deep breath, the brown-eyed woman tilted her head up, realizing that if she moved and inch closer, she could end up kissing him.

She wanted to do it, but she didn't. She just remained there, breathing from his scent while she clutched her hands into fist not to touch him.

She couldn't, touch him or kiss him, because if she did, she would end up begging him for another chance.

So instead, while they were like that, she went back to the things they said to each other and swirled the words in her mind, trying to make sense out of them. "Why did you say you were only there for Roland?"

Robin shrugged; she could feel him doing it. "I don't know… but God I hated myself the moment that rolled out of my mouth. But then you said you were going to go and I just felt that things were supposed to go down like that… that you wanted them like that."

"Well, I didn't see a reason to stay after you said that; I'm not going to be somewhere where I'm not wanted."

Letting go of her hands, his fingers moved to her face and she just had to open her eyes to meet the deep blue colored orbs that were staring back to her.

For a moment she was very tempted to move forward and kiss him and yes, why not? beg him to give her another chance; but she couldn't… as there were so many things they needed to work out before even considering getting back together.

"What you said… it killed me… I know I've never been one to show that kind of emotion but I felt like you ripped something out of me and ever since I can't… I can't function Robin, I really, really can't."

"Don't say that. You… are going to be better without me because all I've been doing as of late is hurting you and I refused to keep doing it. I love you, with everything I have… but we are no longer working and if we keep going like this, we'll end up destroying each other… and Roland along the way."

Closing her eyes because no, she didn't want to be without him, she tried to swallow the lump stuck down her throat.

"This can't be how we end Robin, it's not fair." Regina whispered, allowing her hands to settle on his waist. The feeling of his skin through his shirt was a very familiar one and she just breathed into the moment. "We can't give up without really trying."

"And if we try and make it all worse?"

"And if we try and it works?"

"Jesus, Regina-" He said through clenched teeth before grabbing her face to kiss her right on her mouth. It was not a forceful kiss, just a tender meeting of lips that was over before she could take full joy of it. "You are not making this any easier."

Licking her lips, Regina fixed her eyes on his. They looked troubled… not a hundred percent sure of what he was saying.

"I'm going to ask you two questions, and I need you to answer me with the truth. Then, if you still feel that you want us to end this… we will. We'll get a divorce and I'll walk out of your life for good. Okay?"

He sniffed, but he didn't say anything. Still, she went ahead and fired her first question. "Do you love me?"

"You know I do."

Nodding, she brought her hands to the back of his neck, bringing him closer.

"If you knew, that we could fix this and make us work, would you try it?"

"Regina, none of us can know that for sure and trust me, I would rather cut it now that we can somehow be in good terms for the sake of Roland than making this even worse." He mumbled against her lips and really, if he was so adamant on ending things, then why he was still so close and why he was looking at her like he wanted to kiss her senseless?

"But if somehow you knew… would try it?"

His eyes danced on her own. "If I knew for sure, yes… but we can't hang on our wishful thinking. There's nothing that can guarantee we would work."

"I know we would."

"Yeah? And how would you know? What would make it different that all the times we tried to make it work since last year?"

"Because now we know how it is to be apart, how it is not to have each other so we'll fight harder… for us."

"Regina…"

Feeling almost desperate to reach into him, Regina tried one last time to make him see reason. "I'm not saying we are going to fix things now or that our problems will disappear at once, but we can start slow… just testing waters and see if there's still something to save here." Hell, they could go to counselling, they could start by dating all over again and he definitely didn't have to move back into the house just yet… but they couldn't just give up like that.

To what she said, his reply was none… and yes, sometimes silence was louder than words themselves and his silence was deafening. So sucking in a breath and doing everything in her power not to choke on a sob, she turned her face from him and bit on her lips.

"Alright." She did promise to walk out of his life for good so yes, she was going to do just that and she was going to do it with whatever dignity she still had left.

She just needed to put her dress on, without panties because he pretty much ruined them when he didn't take them off as he fucked her but that was alright, nobody needed to find about her lack of underwear as she went home.

With that in mind, she started to stand up, but just when she was halfway up, he grabbed her hand and made her sit down again.

"I don't want to confuse Roland, so if we are going to try this, he can't know until we are sure. Is that alright? We can't jump into this blind, Regina."

Blinking one time and then two times as the implications of his words started to settle, Regina parted her lips as if to respond. But no words came out and she just stared at him.

Was he saying…?

"Is that alright or no?"

"Yes." She breathed out, a little bit in shock because she has been so sure his answer was going to be a huge no…

"So… what now?"

Leaning forward and kissing him, Regina circled his neck. He did the same with her waist, his arms going around her to bring her as close as he could while the kiss deepened.

They kissed like that for a while, her closed eyes holding at bay a few tears and her tongue melting against his… and all that while, as she accommodated herself by straddling him, she couldn't help but to respond his question in her mind, because now was when they started giving each other their most deserved second chance.


	7. Chapter 7

When Robin mentioned that he wanted to take things slow, Regina didn't expect him to actually mean _excruciatingly_ slow.

Sure, it wasn't like she has anticipated for everything to fall back in place the moment he agreed into fixing their marriage, or that she thought he was going to come back home first thing in the morning; but maybe, just maybe, she kind of… well, she actually has expected things to be a little bit _more_.

They were married with a kid after all, so the way he basically wanted to start things from scratch made little to no sense at all, at least not for her.

But yeah, that was what he wanted so there they were, almost two months after agreeing into giving their relationship a second chance and still tip toeing around each other.

It was a bit ridiculous in a way and a hell lot frustrating, but he was taking things as if she was a blushing maiden whose virtue he wanted to protect and that was not cutting it for her, like at all.

Sure, they've kissed, they've done some very light touching and yes, since they were talking and texting so much, sometimes their interactions drifted into some racy subjects that were by no means chaste.

But that was apparently where the line was drawn by him and any attempt from her part to push that line a little bit further would provoke a swift retreat from his part.

Needless to say, that was discouraging the hell out of her.

Now, she didn't want give the impression that he wasn't taking things as seriously as she was because he was actually doing his part; but he was definitely taking his sweet time in getting them to the point Regina wanted to get, which was having him in all sense of the word; soul, body and heart, and that just couldn't be if he wouldn't let them go there.

He was holding back, and even though his reasons seemed justifiable, there was this tiny little sense of doubt growing at the pit of her stomach that made her wonder if maybe he was hitting the breaks into the natural developments of a full reconciliation because at the end, he realized that them getting back together wasn't exactly what he wanted.

Maybe he was doing this just to humor her, because she has been so pathetic in wanting him back that he took pity of her and decided to throw some scraps her way so that she could go by.

Now yes… it made her feel like a full asshole thinking like that because like she mentioned, other than the lack of sex thing, Robin was doing everything else on his grasp so that they could reconnect.

He would call her whenever he had the time for it, he more often than not was the one to start the huge exchange of silly texts they would send each other during the day and he has even taken her out a few times.

Actually, he has done more than just taking her out, as he has gone out of his way to woe her in each and every one of their little escapades.

Like in the first time he invited her out in this new stage of their relationship and drove her to one of her favorite's spots by the beach, an almost deserted place where they sat and talked over a bottle of wine as dusk slowly bled into a starry night.

It has been the perfect evening, the conversation light and refreshing after more than a year of bickering making her feel very optimistic.

It has been an organic progress, as they got in synch very quickly, their eyes set in the horizon, watching as the sky was taken over stunning hues of reds blending with oranges while the sound of the ocean crashing on shore soothed whatever kind of awkwardness they may have felt.

She remembered it as if it has been the day before, his face, aglow with the last rays of light making his eyes look impossibly blue provoking all kinds of things in her.

It was hard to put into words what it has been, but he has looked at her so intently that she was sure he was staring deep into her very core; stripping her off every inch of skin until she was left completely bare in front of him.

It has been intense, and it made her realize how it would always be him the one her heart beat for and the knowledge filled her with something warm and fuzzy that made her feel all kinds of giddy.

What could she say? It has just been so easy for her to get caught into the moment; her back to him so that his body-warmth could prevent the breeze to chill her to the bone, their fingers tangled up as they kept talking and yeah, kissing slow from time to time.

It has been the kind of interaction that made her remember why she fell in love with him in the first place and one that made her feel eager for him.

It was easy. She missed him, and having him there, smelling so good and with his voice so low in her ear that goosebumps broke all over her skin had made her feel good, in a way renewed after those long months of anguish.

But then, at the end of their date, when he walked her to her door and she invited him in, he just smiled his insanely alluring dimple smile, kissed her forehead, bid her good night and left.

That right there left her more than a little perplexed. Actually, she has been flabbergasted as she has been sure the night was going to end with them in bed.

Ah, how wrong she has been. But because back then she was completely unaware of what was his take on the slow thing, when she was already settled in bed and couldn't sleep, she gave into a wild impulse and called him to ask why didn't he accept her invitation.

She has tried to make it sound lighthearted, like a passing comment instead of a reproach, thankfully, because when he gave her his reasons, her entire chest tightened around her heart and the warmth that took over her was all too reassuring.

She went to sleep feeling happy that night and even a little drunk on emotion; but that has been then… at the very beginning, now all she felt was frustrated.

It was like this; it has been _two_ months since they started things again and nothing has happened ever since. Nada, zero, zilch!

The closest she ever got to getting some has been the previous week, when right after a lovely dinner that left her a little starry-eyed ended with a make out session in his car, one that she initiated of course. But even when that has looked promising, in the middle of it, when she was straddling his lap and his hand has even ventured underneath her blouse as they kissed, he cut it all short and sent her home completely unfulfilled.

Yes, he walked her there and even kissed her goodnight by the door, but when his lips on hers and their tongues sliding against each other was not enough to calm down the liquid heat settling between her legs, he once again refused to go into the house.

It was just… bad! The way he was making her wait for it was simply wrong and well, if that night came to an end on the same note, she may as well end up wondering if there was something irremediably wrong between them after all.

The way she saw it, that night had to be _it_, as the moment was perfect for them to take that next big step. She was even dressed for it, she has gone out of her way to clean up nicely for him and yes, she was also wearing his favorite perfume, the one that used to make him bury his face into the crook of her neck just so he could breathe it out of her.

They were also having a splendid time among friends, choosing to meet with Mal to celebrate her birthday in a nice little locale fit for their taste. It wasn't so loud or crowded like the more popular bars, but the ambience was still good enough for that kind of celebration.

It was something she along Cruella and even Snow had been planning for months and since Robin got Little John to stay with Roland for the night, the two of them decided to go together, showing up as a couple like they haven't done in such a long time.

So yeah, everything was perfect for it; the music was good enough to drag him into the dance floor, which she was going to do very soon, the drinks that kept pouring in were making her feel a little too good and even better, Robin was laughing at something a slightly drunk Mal was telling him across the table.

Regina wasn't even paying attention to what they were saying, she just sat there, watching him laugh just because. It was silly, but he just had a good laugh and in a way, seeing him let it burst out of him in huge waves so carelessly made it hard for her to control her feelings.

Then it was the way his hand was comfortably resting over her knee as he every once in a while would turn his face to her; sometimes sending her a promising wink and others just letting his teeth sink into the soft flesh of his bottom lip as their eyes met in compliance.

She knew that kind of look and that small bite on his lips and she was sure that yes, he wanted her as much as she wanted him so maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't have to push too hard that night…

But still, she was a little bit buzzed herself and feeling all too silly so she did push it… in a different kind of way.

"I have a problem at home. A big… huge problem." She said, leaning closer to him so that he could hear her over the music blasting all around them.

At her words, Robin turned to her, his brows furrowed and his eyes narrowing a little. "Really, what kind of problem?"

Pursing her lips, Regina hummed, her chin tilting up as her hand found its way to the back of his neck, her fingers tracing the outline of his shirt and then playing with his short hair. "In my bathroom… the sliding door to my shower? It's falling."

"Yeah?" He smiled his dimple smile and Regina nodded, keeping her face as neutral as she could.

"Uh-huh. It can fall on me and I don't know… kill me or something, so I was hoping you could maybe check it, tonight?"

By the way his eyebrow rose high and his eyes sparkled, Regina could tell he was onto her crappy lie but hey, he was smiling… hell, he even let out a raspy laugh so maybe it wasn't so bad. "Oh, I see. That's a serious hazard right there."

"I know!" She exclaimed with a roll of her eye that was probably too dramatic. "It's a dangerous thing, especially since I'll be there all alone. I mean I would hate if something happens to me because of it…"

"You and me both, darling. You smell too good to die tonight." As if to let her know he meant it, he moved his face closer to hers, his nose brushing close to her ear so that he could breathe into her scent.

It tickled her, in a good kind of way but trying not to grin in triumph over how much she still knew him, she just scrunched her nose. "You wouldn't be able to forgive yourself, I just know it… and I don't want you to live with all that guilt like, tsk, I don't know, forever."

Shaking his head and lowering his eyes down to her mouth, Robin shifted on his chair.

"You're funny when you are drunk, you knew that?"

Using her free hand to let it rest over the hand he had on her knee, Regina traced the outline of his knuckles, going through all of them and then just starting all over again.

"I'm not drunk… I'm just, buzzed."

"Just buzzed, are you sure?" Without letting her answer to that, Robin closed the distance that separated them and pecked her lips. It was a soft thing, but he lingered a little too long and for some reason, that made her smile right in the middle of it.

"You guys are so sickenly cute. It reminds me that I'm so very single but yeah, I'll live vicariously through you. So go ahead, keep kissing."

Leaving her fingers buried into her husband's hair, Regina pulled from the kiss and sent her friend a gleeful smirk. "Shut up, Cruella."

"Well listen to that, she's telling me to shut up, is that rude or what? In fact, I'll tell you what else is rude and that's you and those two cheesy goons there in the dance floor feasting in front of the starved. That's just not nice, you know. Like get a room or something."

For some reason, Cruella's words made Mal choke on a laugh and Regina hoped that in her drunken state, the woman wouldn't add a comment about her current situation with Robin.

"Don't mind her, she's mad because she hasn't found her _it_ guy for the night."

"No, I haven't."

"What about that guy I saw you snogging at the bar a while ago? You two were definitely hitting it up." Robin mentioned, his hand moving a little further up Regina's knee. It ended up resting on her thigh and yeah, making the brunette's face to heat a bit.

That was how bad she was needing a one on one with him, because that touch, that was basically nothing, was already making her mind race with endless possibilities.

"You think? He's was kind of hot but, ugh… too much tongue." Sucking in a deep breath and placing a hand to her chest, Cruella shuddered. "You know what, I'll go check if he invites me another one of these." Pointing out to her empty glass, the woman got up and disappeared into the crowd.

"Make him get you two, it's my damn birthday and I'm not drunk enough yet."

Humming and reaching for her own drink, Regina eyed Robin, that way they exchanged a knowing look that made her heart skip a beat.

Yes, he was going to go home with her that nighr, she just knew it. He told her by the way he was looking at her and by the way his hand squeezed lightly onto her thigh….

But, before either one of them could say it, a voice came to interrupt their idyllic moment and when everyone at the table turned to look at the newcomer, Regina almost cringed…

Robin tensed too, she felt it, not only in the way his hand lay heavy on her thigh but on the heavy aura suddenly emanating from him.

"Heard the birthday girl was in need of a drink so here I am delivering."

The man handed the blonde a glass with some sort of blue liquid on it and after sending Regina a quick glance, Mal chuckled. "Oh I'm hardly a girl but thanks… Killian."

"No problem." With that said, the dark-haired man turned swiftly around and as if everything was perfectly normal, he extended a hand to Robin. "Hey mate."

And shit… Regina had to briefly close her eyes because the low chuckle that came out of Robin was anything but amused.

She knew him, hadn't spent the past few years of her life living with him without picking on his little ticks and tocks and this… well, this was definitely no good.

He did nothing though; he just threw an arm over the backrest of his chair as he leaned against it.

"Come on mate, are you going to leave me hanging here?"

"I'm not your mate." Robin replied at last and apparently ego tripping, Killian laughed heartedly.

"I think I feel like dancing, come on you asshole, let's hit that dance floor." Mal blurted out, getting up and motioning Killian to go with her.

But he didn't; instead, he turned to Regina and smiled too amicably. "Well, perhaps your lovely wife still has the manners to greet an old friend."

With that said, Killian moved his hand towards her, apparently meaning for her to shake it.

"Get lost Killian, if you don't want to lose that hand, that is."

Licking his lips and not taking his eyes away from Regina, the man winked. "You don't have to be so pissy, you know… _mate_, that your wife and-"

Not letting him finish, Robin got to his feet and without thinking it twice, he shoved Killian, hard. It made the other man stumble backwards and almost fall. "That my wife what?"

Feeling the light buzz of alcohol completely evaporate from her system, Regina stood up as well and grabbed her husband by the elbow. "Robin-"

Groaning, Mal also pushed Killian. "What the hell? If you are going to be such a jerk then you better get the hell out of here, now."

"Me? He's the one who pushed me, so maybe the one that needs to leave it's him. Isn't that what he does best anyway?" Straightening up, Killian flashed a sly grin and that was all Regina needed to see to know the man was drunk. "Oh and don't worry about her, she'll be well taken care of."

Knowing that Robin was going to do something stupid by the way he started to launch himself forward, Regina wrapped an arm around his midsection to stop him. "Don't mind him, come on."

"Yeah, drop it man." David, who was now there with Mary Margaret in tow added, placing a hand on Robin's chest and the other one to Killian's shoulder. "And you, beat it, pal, we don't need the drama."

"Alright… I see how it is now… and it's not cool, you know." Snorting, Killian ran a hand down his face as he addressed Regina, then, eyeing Robin head to toe, he swirled around and walked out, pushing his way out of the locale.

"Okay, next round is on me." David declared, patting Robin's shoulder before he apparently went in search of more drinks.

By the time he came back, Regina was already sitting with Robin, but even though he accepted the drink David shoved on his face and drank it in one gulp, there was no denying that his mood had soured irremediably.

He didn't add to the conversation that followed, he was no longer laughing and even though he didn't repel the way Regina's hand grabbed for his, he didn't reciprocate it.

Overall, Regina declared the night to be completely ruined and if anything, that made her feel awful.

It was her fault, for having that stupid idea of kissing Killian and now, who knew what kind of adverse effect this would have on their relationship.

They were not quite healed yet, so this felt like a hard hit that could end up leaving some exposed cracks.

So yes, she already knew that the sex thing was out of the question that night, but maybe they should talk about what happened somewhere private since Robin was obviously bothered.

"You want to leave?" Regina asked at some point after he downed another glass of whiskey and just like she knew he would, he said yes.

That way, they said their goodbyes, Regina apologizing as she hugged Mal for the little incident. Not like her friend blamed her or Robin, as she whispered back in her ear, as it all has been on Killian. Still, it made Regina feel better to hear it from the woman herself. After that, out of there they went.

The ride back to the house they once had share was made in complete silence, and Regina knew she needed to be the one to break it but she didn't know how.

The tension was too thick, enough to make it hard to breath and she was sure that whatever she could say wouldn't be well received.

"Did you sleep with him?" Robin asked, his eyes on the road and his jaw painfully clenched. His voice came out a little low, almost eerie as well and Regina just had to do a double take.

"What?"

"Killian. Did you have sex with him?" He repeated the question, this time, tilting his face in her direction so that he could look at her.

Scoffing because she already told him everything about what happened with Killian, from the texting to that fateful kiss, Regina fixed the brown of her eyes on his own blue orbs.

"No. I didn't have sex with him or anyone else for that matter."

His mouth twisted, but he said nothing more and the rest of the way was spent in an awful silence. It was deafening… in a way foretelling, and Regina was sure that he was not going to say anything to what he already said.

She was not wrong, and what was worse, when he finally pulled in front of their house, Robin didn't even kill the engine, indicating her without words that he was just dropping her by.

He wasn't even going to walk her to the door as he was used to do and the way her chest clenched with the realization that they just took a thousand steps back in the progress of their relationship was overwhelming.

She didn't want their night to end like that… she couldn't let it.

"You want to come in, I can make coffee?"

"No, I'm okay." He said, tapping his fingers to the steering wheel.

Sucking in a shaky breath, Regina lifted a hand to the back of her head, her fingers impulsively running down her hair.

"It's just… can we at least talk?"

"Regina..." He scoffed, scratching down along his jaw. "I'm not in the best mood to talk right now."

Biting hard on her lips so that she wouldn't end up rudely pointing out how he promised to talk about whatever was bothering him, Regina swallowed on dry.

Yes, she could remind him, after all, keeping things from each other and not opening up was what lead to their demise in the first place.

Well, according to him, the way they jumped into their relationship too soon was what made them crash so hard and that was why he was making them go slow this time; but the same way she compromised into waiting for his sake, he had to do the same by talking to her.

It has the deal they made so no, she couldn't let him drive away like that and if she had to throw in his face the promise he made, then so be it.

"You promised, Robin…"

Blinking a couple of times as if he couldn't believe her, Robin shook his head, but still, he turned the car off and walked out.

He was pissed, she could tell, so when they finally walked into the house and the fumes emanating from him were too much for her to bear, she decided that maybe it would be best if she compromised a little.

She didn't want to turn things into one of their infamous fights so…

"I know you're upset, so why don't you lay down and we'll talk when you are more calmed. You can take Roland's bed and… I'll bring you a clean change of clothes… I mean, you still have some stuff here."

He agreed with a nod because he was apparently too pissed to even say a yes to her.

It bothered her, she didn't want to let it show though so she just swallowed the lump forming in her throat, ignored the way her chest tightened up and blinked the tears forming in her eyes away.

She was probably still a bit tipsy and emotional so she definitely needed to lay down too if she ever planned to survive their upcoming talk.

That's what she attempted, a shower and some rest, so after giving him some clothes, she left him alone and retreated to her own room.

It was when she was taking her shower that she felt it, like a ball of fire erupting on her chest and going up up, looking for an escape. It did, in the form of a broken sob, the pressure so bad that her body rocked with it.

It was just not fair, because she has been trying so hard to make things work with Robin and now this… stupid thing blew on her face and he didn't even want to talk to her.

He probably didn't want to see her either and that was why he was so pissed, because she ended up forcing him to stay there when it was clear he has been trying to stay away.

That was the kind of thing he didn't like… well that and that she would go out there kissing people when she was upset.

God, she has been so, so stupid with that one…

"I thought you said this was broken."

Jumping startled at the sound of Robin opening the sliding door to her shower, Regina sucked in a breath, wiping angrily at her eyes as she stood a bit straighter.

When she looked, he was just there, his lips slightly pouted out and his eyes set intently on hers.

For a second, Regina just didn't know what to say, she was there, naked and crying so it wasn't her best moment. But because she was also proud, she just blinked slowly and shrugged. "Yeah, I lied."

His eyes lowered, not down her body as he would have done back in their previous life when their problems stayed between the two of them, but to the floor, as if he was trying to consider what his next words should be and she knew… she just knew he was going to leave.

Maybe he would even tell her how all of this has been a mistake and that yes, they were too fucked up to give their relationship another go so they better leave things there.

There would be no surprise in his voice, because he knew he would have to say the words at some point. That was why he never wanted to be intimate with her, that was why he didn't want to include Roland in the whole thing…

"Can I say something before you go?" She asked, her voice breaking a little as she spoke. It made Robin look up, the muscle of his jaw clenching. "I know you probably think I am not worth all this trouble…"

"Hey-" He started to say with a frown as he reached into the shower to turn it off. "Why do say that?"

Regina just blinked, her arms folding up her chest because she was a bit cold and very naked. "Because it's what you're thinking…"

"I never said that."

"But you're mad at me."

Robin blew out a breath, and then, twisting his mouth in that way that was so him when he was uncomfortable, he took a step forward and extended his arms. "Come here."

She did, without thinking much about it. But when he reached for her and pulled her to him, his arms around her, she was actually surprised.

What could she say? This was the last thing she expected him to do; it rattled her a little, but knowing full well it could very much be a farewell hug, she pressed her body even more against him, meaning to feel all of what was him.

For a while, that's all they did, Regina breathing from his scent and appreciating how it felt to be wrapped in his embrace for what could very much be the last time and Robin… well, he just held her, his arms around her waist and his lips pressed to her forehead. But when it was apparently enough, he pulled slightly away.

He didn't say anything though, he just reached for a towel to put around her and he led her into her room… their room.

In there he made her sit over the bed and then he sat with her, grabbing for her of her hands and bringing to his lips.

"I got you all wet." She reached for his shirt and smoothed it with the palm of her free hand. It was meant to be a lighthearted thing to ease the dread she was feeling, to reassure her; but when he reached for her hand and pressed it to his chest, she felt anything but reassured.

"Regina, I'm not mad at you… I just…" He shook his head and looked away.

"Then what is it?" She slid closer to him, her eyes wide and her heart beating a bit harder. She didn't want to put her hopes up and then crash hard, but maybe she still did begin to hope…

"I think I'm just mad at myself, and at Killian too because he knew, he knew you what we were going through and he preyed on you. That's not something you do to your mate's wife. But I'm also mad because what he said about me leaving? He was not lying… I did that and… look at the mess that made. I fucked it all up."

He was still holding her hand to his chest so she used the other one to press it to his face, her thumb running over his cheekbone as she tried to search into his eyes. He was elusive though, so she just let her eyes linger along his face.

"No more than me. I mean… I'm the one that went ahead and you know, kissed him." She almost cringed at that, but it made him chuckle… even if it was bitterly so maybe it hadn't been so bad to mention it. It kind of broke the ice a little.

"Yeah that was kind of shitty."

"It was a shitty kiss, and I'm not trying to justify what I did, but that was all there was to it, a lame kiss done for all the wrong reasons."

Breathing out, Robin shrugged. "I know, and I'm not even _that_ _mad_ about it. I mean it's not like I'm thrilled but I get it." He shook his head, once again his eyes looking everywhere but her. "You were upset and shit happened. I guess I'm mad about how it all got out of control, how _I_ let it get there."

Not wanting him to beat himself up for something they already agreed to leave behind, Regina used the hand in his face to make him look at her.

"It wasn't just you, Robin. We both screwed up, so many times; but this, we are trying to fix it… to fix us so please don't pull away now… not when we were almost there."

At those words, he finally looked into her eyes and yes, she knew he shouldn't put her hopes too high, but how could she not when he was looking at her with all the intensity of those eyes she loved so much?

Humming, Robin moved a little closer and pressed his forehead to hers, the tip of his nose bumping lightly against hers. "I'm not pulling away."

A soft sigh of relief escaped her, but before she could say something to that, he touched her mouth with his.

It was barely a kiss, just his mouth brushing against hers, their lips joined with the merest of touches.

"Is that alright?"

Not sure if he was talking about him not pulling away or if he was asking about the kiss, Regina nodded, and apparently satisfied with her answer, Robin lifted his hand to her face, using his thumb to pull down at her chin so that he could get access into her mouth.

And if the way he hugged her to him back at the shower made her heart beat a bit harder, the contact of his tongue nudging at hers left her weak all over.

Sure, he moved slow, tentative, as if he was exploring new territory, but it was just so good to have him like that after she thought him lost to her so she drank on the feeling with all of what she had.

In a way it felt surreal, too good to be true, but at the same time, it was not quite enough to quench the need she had of him; so, lifting her hands to the back of his head and letting the pad of her fingers brush their way into his hair, she pulled him even closer, her tongue pushing deeper into the warm cave of his mouth.

"Is this shitty?" He asked in a breath against her lips and unable to help it, she let out a raspy laugh.

"No, it's not."

He smiled, she felt it rather than saw it but then he was back into claiming her lips. In no time, the kiss turned insistent, her face angling to the side while his tongue caressed hers into action. She gave it all back, kissing him the same way he was kissing her. Long, deep and meaning to say so much with it.

What else could she do? It was like a dream, the warmness of his mouth, the sweet urgency of his kiss and the way his hands slid to her waist to pull her even closer to him…

She rolled with it, not even minding the consequences.

It was only when the need to breath invaded their lungs that they pulled apart, but then he dragged his lips over her skin, along her cheek and to her neck, right to the spot behind her ear.

Sighing at the feeling, her back arched, all her senses on alert and a surge of electricity making the tip of her fingers tingle. She wanted more, especially once he started to suck on her skin a bit harder.

He was definitely trying to leave a mark there and yes, she let him… throwing her head back a little to give him more room to work.

But then, he was pulling away and there was a look there, filled with hunger. It was intense, even rapturous and she could do nothing but to stare back.

"I should go." He said, his voice so low in his throat she barely heard him.

It did not surprise her though, what he said, because he has been clear on how he didn't want to base this reconciliation on sex. And sure, she could respect it, even understood his way of thinking, especially since they got too much too soon since the very beginning and he wanted to make it right this time… but still, she didn't want him to go…

"You can stay in Roland's room, you don't really have to go." They could just talk, or not… she didn't mind, but she wanted him there, under that roof. "Please stay. We'll just talk or I don't know, watch TV."

Pushing his tongue to the corner of his lips, Robin cleared his throat. "That's the thing, Regina, that I don't want to talk."

And then he was kissing her again and no, they didn't talk. They communicated in the way that he pushed the towel to the side and by his hands running along her bare flesh instead; and she responded by helping him undress and by pulling her to him, so close that she trembled in anticipation.

There were no words, not at first… they just kissed, his fingers roaming as her own hands did their own thing, one moving smoothly into his hair and the other one to his back.

That way, she traced and felt all over, finding him smooth to the touch but oh so hard, and loving the ripple of his muscles under her fingertips as she crushed him to her.

She wanted to feel him closer, his skin on hers, she almost needed it, so when he pushed as insistently as she was pulling, she couldn't help but to enjoy the shiver that ran down her spine.

"God, I missed this… I missed you." She mumbled despite herself, her voice carrying the low undertones of the sweet turmoil he was provoking in her.

"I did too."

At his low tone, Regina arched her back to him, claiming his lips as his fingers did their own exploration, running along her thigh, up to her hip and then slowing down once he reached her lower stomach.

He teased her, sliding lower and lower, almost touching her in places that would definitely make her blood boil and her desire to soar to the roof… but even though he was close, he was not giving her what her body craved.

"Is this all mine?" He asked pulling away from the kiss while his darkened eyes fixed on her face.

"What?" She asked and then moaned low in her throat as his fingers brushed over her wetness.

"This, you… is it all mine?"

"It is." Her breathing was a bit ragged as she spoke, but her eyes were entranced looking into his blue orbs. "All of me…"

His fingers brushed once again over the spot and she closed her eyes, waiting... "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She breathed out and even though she couldn't see his face, she knew he was flashing that alluring smirk of his.

She didn't mind, especially when his fingers gave way to her desire and started a more intimate caress, making her moan and get even more flustered than before.

"Look at me." He said and she did, finding his eyes on hers as his finger worked their magic of rubbing and delving, it almost felt obscene.

"Mmm-" She breathed out, and not wanting to be left behind in the touching department, her hand went down his body until she found him, hard and ready for her.

She touched him, her eyes on him, watching a flush take over his face and his tongue peeked out through his lips as her hand worked on him.

He looked so dreamy, all hot and bothered and as two of his fingers kept delving into her heated center, she ran her thumb over the crown of his erection.

"How about this, is it mine?"

"Always."

With that said, he kissed her, his tongue going as deep as his fingers were going and it was all so good that she moaned, spreading her legs as his thumb started to manipulate her clit.

He worked her nice, enough to make her forget to return the favor so she just held him, giving him a few lazy strokes as he curled his digits into her, delving, finding what he was looking for and then repeating.

It made her moan, her hips shooting up. She wanted more, she needed it…

"Robin, I want you inside, now."

Flickering her clit with his thumb, he kissed down her jaw, his tongue running flat until he reached her neck. "I'm inside."

Her eyes rolled because yes, he was, but that was not what she meant and he knew it.

"This, I want this." She pumped her fist around his cock, making him hum in appreciation and not having to be told again, he took his fingers away and moved on top of her.

He was still hard, so once he moved on her, he pressed the head of his cock over her wet slit and hissed.

"Still want it?"

She nodded, her voice nowhere to be found as he rubbed himself on her, the tip of his erection almost breaking in and then moving up, sliding between her slick folds and running over her clit.

"I love how wet you get for me."

"Jesus, Robin-"

But then, when she was about to protest so much teasing, he guided himself into her, his face a mask of pure concentration.

"Oh… my…" Her mouth fell open as he parted his way in, stretching her slowly as she tried to get used to him.

"Shit… You alright?"

She nodded, her breath catching in her throat as began to move inside of her.

Regina held onto him, her legs spread wide to give him room. She wanted to feel him all, she wanted him to go deep. And he did, his lips locked again with hers as be picked up the pace some more.

In a matter of nothing, she was moaning into his mouth, wrapping her arms tightly around him while he moved quicker, with every thrust stealing whatever control she could have. But she loved it… God, she loved _him_.

And Robin? He was kissing her deeper, moving his tongue against hers in that sweet way that she liked. It made her cling to him harder, her knees drawing back so that he could reach as deep as he could.

She was the first one to come undone, her entire midsection exploding in a bliss, and maybe if it wasn't because it hit her so hard, she would have laughed at that little inside joke they used to have where he supposedly counted all of her orgasm so that she would someday pay up in kind.

She was in debt up to her nose, because she would always finish before him and more often than not at least twice.

Not that night though, because she could feel him driving more and more closer to orgasm and there was no way to score a new for her in the meantime.

She didn't mind, as she was more interested in feeling him fill her up.

"I want to feel you, I want you to cum in me."

"Fuck, Regina." He panted, his hips slamming so hard into her that she just had to gasp.

"Yes like that, don't stop… Oh, do it like that."

Her tone came up too high pitched for her taste, too needy, but it was okay because it worked, his rhythm picking up until he was slamming into her harder.

"Like it like this?"

"Yeah, so good…"

It was quick though, a few hard thrust and he was groaning and spilling inside of her.

That was all it took for her too, the friction of his pubic bone on her clit, the wild look on his eye and the feeling of his warm seed flooding into her; she was a goner again, and she let it be known by the way she clenched and called out his name breathily.

It made her shiver, receiving all he had to give, her eyes closing with the intensity of it all.

Once calmed down, Regina slowly opened her eyes to find herself looking inside Robin's bright eyes. He had an easy smile on his lips as he placed one hand onto her cheek, softly stroking it with his thumb.

"I evened the score to start from scratch and you owe me one."

"Oh my God." She chuckled contently, throwing her hands over her head. "I'll pay up… just give me a moment here."

Kissing the tip of her nose before rolling to his back, Robin hummed. "Yeah I've heard that before, many, many times."

His retreat made her leak all over her sheets and she groaned, knowing it was too late to do some damage control. She would have to change them…

"I always pay… I just can't seem to catch up."

Robin wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to his body and she snuggled to him.

It was just amazing, the feeling of being in his arms, the sound of his heartbeat when her head rested on his chest. She has missed this… him.

"I was thinking… that maybe we could pick Roland tomorrow and I don't know, take him to the park or something…"

A smile graced her lips when she felt his hand stroking her hair and she just had to look up at him, supporting herself in one elbow.

"Really?" She asked, digging into his eyes because he has been trying to keep Roland from this that they were trying to recuperate, so that he finally wanted to include him could maybe mean he was ready to go full into the whole going back together thing?

"Yeah." He flashed her one of his dimple smiles as his hand moved to her cheek.

"Okay." Biting on her lips, she laid her head back to his chest, her nose scrunching.

They remained like that for a while, until his breathing was so slow she was almost sure he was sleeping. Still, she said it…

"I love you."

Pulling her a bit closer, he hummed. "And I you."

Intertwined they both fell asleep after that, with the last thought running through her mind being that sometimes, two people have to fall apart in order for them to realize they need to fall back together…


End file.
